Adventures in Queuing — the Lift Opening

Disclaimer: For my entire life, I have refused to wait in line to get into a club or bar, no matter how hot the venue. I don’t care if Jesus himself was cutting a rug inside; I ain’t waiting outside. I would rather swallow a jar full of bees than wait in a line outside a club. That’s how much I don’t want to wait.

So last night I waited in line outside of Lift, a club by cRAIG mITCHELL.  Without a doubt, this had to be the most anticipated club opening in Burlington since... um, I don’t know what. Let’s just say that Lift is the Bluebird Tavern of clubs — there’s a huge amount of hype surrounding it. Warranted or not, people wanted to get in here.

Let’s back up a bit. Lift, for those of you who aren’t dedicated club kids, is a new venture started by turntablist of some renown Craig Mitchell, who used to spin the decks in Burlington a few years ago before he became rich and famous and left the Green Mountains. The club is occupying the space left vacant by the former Second Floor, the college ghetto of clubs. People who pay attention to the downtown Burlington scene have been waiting for something to happen to that space. And now something has.

Last night, Lift had its soft opening. Of course, being a Burlington scenester and a dedicated people-watcher, I had to go check it out. Normally, being old and decrepit, I don’t go out on school nights, but I made an exception. Now I sort of wish I had stayed at home, petting my dog and eating Ben & Jerry’s out of the carton.

My partners in crime and I rolled up to Lift at 10:15 p.m., 15 minutes after the whole shebang was supposed to jump off. Never did it enter my mind that I might have to wait in line. This is Burlington, not Brooklyn. But the line stretched back to Big Daddy’s Pizza, and it was there that we assumed our rightful place — at the ass end of the queue.

I had to chuckle at this turn of events, but my laughter quickly subsided when I realized that I sort of felt like a loser waiting in line. People gawked at us as they drove by or walked down the sidewalk. If I was an important person, I wouldn’t have been waiting. (Also, if I had bigger mammaries, I wouldn't have been waiting). Thus my queuing was further proof that I’m not as cool as I think.

Anyway, we waited in line for at least an hour, inching slowly forward while thick-necked bouncers with earpieces barked at us to get against the wall and make room on the sidewalk. How authentic! Finally, I determined that this was for the birds, this waiting business. We hadn’t moved from our spot in front of Vietnam 2 for about 20 minutes, and my patience was wearing thin. If I had silky blond hair and were wearing a pound and a half of makeup and three-inch stems, I wouldn’t have had to wait, like the many girls who got in before us just by standing and giving pouty bedroom eyes to the doormen. Again, very authentic. I made an executive decision.

I am a member of the working press. Therefore, I should be able to get carte blanche access anywhere at any time. I pulled the media card on the besuited bouncer and bounded up the steps to see what all the fuss was about.

Here’s what I found: industrial office carpeting, asphyxiating new-paint smell, an uneven floor, Fattie B spinning and not Craig Mitchell, a line for the bar five people deep, people who looked like my dad, not many homos, a lot of skin, two roped-off “VIP” areas crammed full of people who looked like they were in the Russian mafia, many large-screen TVs, some dude banging an electronic drum kit on the dance floor, sideline gawkers and picked-over cheese platters.

I did a few laps, took a few mental notes, looked for anyone I knew, tried to scam some free crap and then went down to retrieve my friends from the line. This was nothing worth waiting hours for. It was reminiscent of so many clubs from my college days in D.C. The ones that college kids could actually get into because the people checking IDs really didn’t care if your driver’s license said you were a 75-year-old from Syosset named Mildred Finklepearl.

I still have hope for the club. I’m sure that as the owners get more capital, they’ll turn it into a classy joint with sick DJs winding the ones and twos (not to say that Fattie B isn’t sick). But I still won’t wait in line for it.

Comments

[Anne Rothwell]

This is an extremely insulting review.

[Scott Dean]

ut oh, someone had a rough night downtown.

[I Like Her Review, But Can We Get Real Now?]

Sounds like a brutally honest review to me. Amen.

I only hope and trust that she would have been just as frank had she not waited a long time in line first.

I can also only hope that now we will get back to talking about real and important stuff? Like the economy and the environment and stuff, you know?

[Give It a Chance]

I grew up here and remember the days when Tod Warner's club 'Border' and the gaybar 'Pearls' would have a line out of the door most nights.

Now the only real club nights in town happen at Higher Ground and they're both Gay / Straight Friendly nights: First Friday and Third Saturday.

While I agree that "Burlington is not Brooklyn," it's about time this place got a decent club outside of Higher Ground. I applaud Craig for having the guts to give it a go. Most bars downtown are terrible. Metronome is a joke of a club. This town is full of jamband heads who look down on Dance Music, thinking that it means 80's Night at Metronome. I wish him the best and I'll support as much as I can.

As far as seeing people who "look like your father," please. Give it a REST. There is no place for anyone over the age of 30 to go to in this town already: you really want LIFT to become another Reuben James?

I'm not sure how LIFT will do (I have yet to go) but I wish it well.

Burlington thinks it's too cool for it's own good and you know what that leads to?

Another Rasputins.

Blecch.

[I just want to dance!]

LIFT is awesome - so so so glad Craig opened this place! There hasn't been anywhere good to dance in town forever (Retronome doesn't count) and I had a BLAST both nights I was there this weekend. Craig killed it Friday night and ?uestlove was amazing Sunday. Office carpeting or not, what makes a good club is the music, the energy, the dance floor, and the awesomeness of the people on it. LIFT's got all those and more. So happy to have this place open!

[Mad Scooby]

Ms.Lauren Ober,
(and we all know why I am referring to you as "Ms.")
Maybe you stay home and let you uterus slowly
deteriorate along with the pathetic life you lead. What the F@#k is Seven Days doing publishing some old haggard ass bitch. Go jump off a two story building...

[JEZZY]

Maybe people should support one another and not hate because they are not on the cool list. I attended the opening at LIFT and think it is exactly what this town needs, somewhere classy. They took the idea of comfort of The Green Room, the dance floor from Red Square, and chill vibe from Half Lounge and made it into one place. So, how about you give it a chance? I'm sure it will be successful! As far as your ignorant comment about Brooklyn, I have one question...Have you ever been to New York City? Why do you think the clubs are so successful there? Because they have standards. As a writer, I feel you are insulting and lack proper grammar skills.

[Mad Scooby]

You Ignorant Bitch, you ever been to the "GHETTO" or a "BROOKLYN" nightclub. actually go jump out your first floor cubical window. Hack, and all the people I know @ Seven Days I am going to make sure they know how much of a hack you really are.

[Lauren Ober]

Dear people who are hating on me for allegedly hating,

Can't a girl assert her opinion without being called "old," "haggard" or "ignorant?" Yeesh. Oh yeah, and a "hack" and a "bitch." Goodness me, that's not very neighborly.

Here's the thing- I'm not bitter about not being on some VIP list, nor am I bitter about not having big tits. Ok, maybe I would like a little cleavage every so often.

Anyway, I was just underwhelmed by LIFT. Is that so wrong? I realize that me writing that I am not in fact a bitter, old, ignorant, haggard, hack bitch will not make people believe that. That's ok. But I'd rather be judged on the merit of the writing than on my merit of my person, which, respectfully, you know nothing about. I could in fact be a tyrannical, washed-up hag whose uterus is in a serious state of desiccation (see earlier comment), but you don't know that if you do not in fact know me.

So let's keep the comments about the writing and the opinions therein, not about the writer. And also, if you see some grammatical, punctuation or style errors in my work, perhaps you'd be kind enough to let me know. Many thanks.

Yours,
Lauren O.

[pamela polston]

Hey, people, everyone's entitled to their opinion--including Lauren Ober. But let's keep it above the belt, huh? Don't make me come after you.
If you want a more glowing assessment of Lift, read Dan Bolles' review in tomorrow's Seven Days. And feel free to offer your own thoughts about the club here.
I haven't been there yet, but I can testify that Lauren is not old, haggard, ignorant or a hack. Oh, and yes, she's been to NYC. These are just a few of the reasons we're happy we hired her.

[Jeff Primeau]

Excellent review. Good to see some people still get scared of some truth and honesty.

But sheesh, hiding behind a computer, submitting a fake name and then cowardly calling the writer such atrocious things? really? I imagine you live a sad, lonely life Mad Scooby and I'm sorry, but there's no need to project your self-loathing onto others. And the same goes for any of you other scumbags who post fake names and then harass and insult any other writer at Seven Days. Look at these 7D writers -- they attach their names to stories, blogs, articles, columns, and stand by their words and stick up for themselves. But you, you hide behind a computer and act a child.

[dj llu]

seven days readers & comment posters to this lift post:

i have to weigh in as an fan of seven days, oberandout.com, and also of cRAIG mITCHELL...

first, the mission that cRAIG has very clearly put forward about LIFT is about love, no drama, and a good time. i know that he would be appalled at the inexcusable posts people have been making about lauren ober as a person.

nut or tit up and cut it out. seriously, unclassy people.

ober just wrote a snarky & sarcastic review about an opening night. clearly from the turn out the club is going to do quiet well. if you can't handle witty and sassy writing, don't read it. there is no need to be an anonymous jerk.

dj llu

[cRAIG mITCHELL]

Thanks for the review and for waiting in line to see what the fuss was about. I don't have much to say besides the fact that I DO wait in lines unless otherwise informed that I'm on a list or am invited in. I NEVER assume. EVERYONE waited, unless they had gotten the VIP invite. Oh, and it was SOOOOO not about the mammaries...I'm more into guys than girls...you knew that, right?! AND, I'm not rich. I MAY be a little famous, but not as famous as you might assume. I won't hold that against you, though. ;)

Assuming that one is more special than another person JUST BECAUSE is not really what I'm going for here at the club. Not that you're not invited back...BUT, next time, let me know that you'd LIKE to be treated with more care. Show us your card or send an RSVP via email. Had you let us know that you were coming by the club, you SURELY, as a member of the press would have been let in, much like many other members of the Vermont press.

Good things are worth waiting for...BUT, not every place is for EVERY one and I DO appreciate an honest review. BUT, to be fair here, why DID you wait?

I am a bit disturbed by the hateful language that was being thrown her way. BUT, to keep it fair here, let's try to keep the Russian mafia and guys that look like your father comments to a minimum, also. AND, how did you know there weren't enough homos? There were LOTS there. Stereotype much?

OH, and the platter was for invited guests that were here for the soft opening for vip's from 8-10...sorry we missed getting you your invite. AND, I went on around 11:30 so that I could enjoy the fruits of my labor for a bit. Lastly, the guys at the door KNOW that it's their job if they EVER let someone in without proper ID. That was totally uncalled for. Everything else is your opinion and noted but to say that my Security staff would EVER let a fake ID pass is a grossly wrong incorrect and TOTALLY unfair.

AGAIN, thanks so much for the review, I just figured that I had to say SOMETHING... ha ha ha.

music=life

cRAIG

OH, and to everyone else...cya on the dancefloor! XOXO

[impressed]

Craig,

Now that was classy. Congrats on your success. I'm hopeful that other people with a public soapbox will be more encouraging of new business, especially in this economy.

While she has every right to voice her opinion, Ober's critique was unnecessarily negative and hurtful -- not the king of energy I'd like to invite into my life (or my club). Ober says she wants to be judged on the merit of her writing. While the writing style is smart and grammar correct -- I didn't read anything of substance. How about being judged on content? I see that she has a personal blog -- perhaps this post would have been better suited for that.

Again, Craig, you deserve all the success that's coming your way. I'm glad you responded to this craziness -- I agree with everything you said.

[Cathy Resmer]

Wow, I was away for a week and we got a Mad Scooby.

It looks as if this situation has resolved itself, but I just want everyone to know that Mad Scooby's personal attacks on Lauren are unacceptable here.

It's fine to criticize Lauren's writing and her judgement, but threats and harassment have no place on this site.

If I had seen these comments sooner, I probably would have taken them down, but I'm kinda glad they got left up, if only so everyone else could jump to Lauren's defense.

I've banned Mad Scooby's IP address from commenting on this blog. If Mad Scooby wants to contact me and come by the office for a chat about what is and is not appropriate on our website, I might be willing to lift the ban.

Any takers? Email me at cathy@sevendaysvt.com.

[K*]

Yeah Craig! Much Respect.

Very happy for you and I love your response to this review. Although I didn't care for the review because of the negative tone (being positive is key right?) your response to it made it worth reading and I can't wait to come check out the new place.

Best of Luck and Success with Lift.
If it really is a mix of Red Square, Green Room, Half Lounge and Love... it sounds amazing to me!