Mama Mia!

If you ask a teenager what her parents do best, "embarrass me" might be one ready answer.

Now there's a website, Postcards From Yo Mama, where those mortified (or merely amused) by their maternal units can anonymously post wacky or overly earnest correspondence to brighten other peoples' days.

I must admit that I don't "get" all of the postings, but a few are quite hilarious. Here are two examples that made me laugh:

In other news, your father asked me this morning if he could borrow my nasal irrigator. I got very excited, thinking he was being pro-active in fighting the cold that’s got him sniffling non-stop already.  Turns out he just wanted to use the irrigator to inject jelly into the croissants he was baking. I could write a fucking book.

I’ve got to buckle down now and read this new script.

XXOO
MA

And:

Since some ‘older’ folks (i.e. your mother) read the web, you must bear with my ignorance on this question: is Puffy the same person as Sean Coombs?

Have fun perusing, and happy Friday!

It's Not What You Think...

It's a cake! My sister Monica made it. Here's the recipe. I'm the resident Crazy Cat Lady here at Seven Days (I have six... but I don't wear kitty sweatshirts and crap... yet...), so I think I need to bring one of these in to gross everybody out.

Here's a photo of a pretty cake that my sister made. Hopefully it will make up for the gag factor of the first one.

Benny Lava for Everyone

This has got to be the funniest music video of all time — even without the "translation!" Only from the land of Bollywood . . .

Coffee Cuff

This makes me wish two things:
1. That I still drank coffee.
2. That I thought of it first.

Chicken Without the Bird

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is offering $1 million to anyone who can "produce meat in the laboratory — without killing any animals."

According to the New York Times, "the idea of getting the next Chicken McNugget out of a test tube is not new. For several years, scientists have worked to develop technologies to grow tissue cultures that could be consumed like meat without the expense of land or feed and the disease potential of real meat. An international symposium on the topic was held this month in Norway. The tissue, once grown, could be shaped and given texture with the kinds of additives and structural agents that are now used to give products like soy burgers a more meaty texture."

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Random Web Goodness

I keep meaning to post some fun little things, and then I get wrapped up in my own life. I'm self-absorbed like that.

• Do you find yourself trying to remember if it's time to open presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus? Then this is for you. Is It Christmas? Click on it, and it'll add itself to your RSS Reader, handy for remembering if it is, or is not indeed Christmas.
• I'm sort of a geek. OK, I'm a total geek. Part of that is me getting really happy when I find a cool stock image site that provides me with hours of staring-time. CSA is an agency which specializes in vintage imagery. Good for design geeks or those who are into ascetics in general.
• Apparently, my technique for Blurting usually involves a strange YouTube video in a non-English language. The band's name  is Dschinghis Khan, and from what I can tell (thank you, Wikipedia) they were sort of a German Abba. The "subtitles," in case it's not obvious, are not translation of the German, but hellafunny.   

Glad I'm Not a TV Reporter

My busy boss Paula got this video from her friend Dwight, and promised to blog about it tomorrow. But after watching this it, I realized that I couldn't wait to blurt it.

Mainly that's because after I watched this video, two of my co-workers came over and asked me what was going on — they could hear me laughing on the other side of the office.

So here you go: The Dangers of Being a Television News Reporter, from Gawker.

Green Mountain Derby Dames

Green Mountain Derby Dames from Howlermano on Vimeo.

Well hello there, Blurt readers.

Yesterday afternoon, I posted a new video featuring The Green Mountain Derby Dames over on my own little slice of cyberspace, Solid State, and I thought I'd share it with you folks, too.

A little bit of background:

The video was filmed by Jeff Holwett from Howlerman Productions. Mr. Howlett is better known among music fans as the front man for local hardcore outfit 5 Seconds Expired, who rock. Hard. The music for this particular vid was provided by Boston punk band The Faithfull, who rock pretty hard themselves.

The Derby Dames are . . . well, you'll see. But they rock too. Just as hard, if not harder, than the previously mentioned bands, in fact. If any of you folks happen to run into them, please let them know I said so, because I believe they have it out for me . . .

Without further adieu, The Green Mountain Derby Dames!

Greetings From...

I stumbled across this very cool website the other day. It's kind of a postcard pen pal matching service. When you register, you can get up to 5 addresses of people to send postcards to and your address gets put in the pool. When the postcards you've sent out get received, you can get more addresses.

I have a box of postcards from my travels that seem to have been waiting for something like this. I'm sending out postcards to Germany, Finland, China, Australia and Estonia today. I can't wait to see what shows up in my mailbox!

More Random Acts of Poetry

Following up on Mike's post about urban poetry — ever since I signed up for Twitter, I've been trying to think of some creative way to use it. One idea I had was posting a series of Twitter haikus.

So this morning, as I was standing in front of the Champlain Mill waiting for the bus, I opened my cell phone and sent my first Twitter haiku, from Winooski:

watching condos rise,
wood & metal touching gray
skies - an airplane flies.

Find more as I write them on my Twitter feed.

On Random Acts of Poetry

"Literary," or just observant, or restless, people who reside in large cities (what's the plural form of "metropolis"?) enjoy an unfair advantage over us Vermonters: They're blessed with an abundance of casually strewn messages — etched by strangers on subway bathrooms, sidewalks, phone booths that don't work — that allow them to read meaning and beauty into phrases that aren't particularly important in the big picture.

So it's a good thing we have Front Porch Forum to stimulate our collective need for the oddly transcendent. Note, for example, a post to my neighborhood forum this weekend:

MOTORCYCLE JACKET 
Sat, 29 March 2008

And hello again.  I am searching for a leather motorcycle jacket, size medium, not too many zippers.  I have cash.  And the body to fill it.

So, if you have a jacket, let's talk.

Entertaining Wiener

Sometimes I think no matter how many times I throw the ball for my dachshund, Edna, it will never satisfy her need to fetch. Now I know that Edna is in good company with her fellow wieners. If spring doesn't come soon, I'm going to have to get one of these!

Watch Wal-Mart Spread Like a Virus

Wal-Mart started as a single discount store in Arkansas in 1962. Today there are roughly a gazillion Wal-Marts covering basically the entire planet.

Now, thanks to author and geek Toby Segaran, you can watch Wal-Mart spread across the U.S. like a virus.

Thanks, Bill.

It's hard to remember what the world was like before Wal-Mart...

Dada Lives!

Check out this link, courtesy of our own Michael Bradshaw (don't ask me how he stumbled across it), for what appears to be Yvette's Bridal/Formal Wear, located in Panama City, Florida:

A distracting, tiled peacock background; a random floating geometric cube; no discernible structure or order; bagpipe audio clips; links to poetry and recipes (wait, what?) — yup, Yvette's website has got it all. This is either one of the worst websites ever created or an ingenious study of Dada and/or Surrealist sensibilities (in that vein, I think it's pure genius).Whatever you make of it, consider it the best reason to embrace CSS and hire a designer...please. Or tell her yourself: her contact info is...um, it's...let me just scroll down here...well it's somewhere. 

Seven Days of Love

I was just reading Paula's article on Finland, the "most livable" place on earth. Those Finns have it good! Besides four weeks of paid vacation and 14 paid public holidays — yes, for everyone — their Prime Minister recently proposed a law that would add a seven day "love vacation" to their existing vacation time.

"According to Tabermann, the purpose of such vacations would be to prevent relations from disintegrating and the spouses from drifting apart.
     During the seven days, couples could devote themselves to each other ”both at an erotic and emotional level” and ”find their way back to the path of love in order to find the wellspring of love again”."

That is so cool. Sign me up.

Leslie Hall on Boing Boing TV

Gem sweater queen Leslie Hall is my favorite ce*web*rity. Gold pants forever, baby!

Here's a video of Leslie I found on Boing Boing today — BB contributor Xeni Jardin interviews the Keeper of the Gems for BBtv.

For next Easter...

I don't like sweets, but I absolutely love baking, so I was intrigued by this Easter dessert idea I found on Mighty Girl.

Yup. That would be egg shells filled with cake. Maybe not the most kid-friendly treat (accidentally eating some shell sounds like a quick way to ruin an Easter morning hunt) but certainly different! I might have to be like my mom and start keeping a notebook with ideas for future holidays. This one would definitely make the cut.

You can find a link to the original recipe, Mighty Girl Maggie's revised recipe, and more pictures of the whole process here.

Christ has Risen

This kind of "news" is a guilty pleasure for me.

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Random Pic of the Moment

Joshua Tree, CA. Feb. 17, 2008

Marizpan Babies Not Made of Marzipan!

Ever heard of the woman who makes little baby sculptures out of marzipan? It's not true! They're made out of clay.

Food Editor Suzanne Podhaizer blogged about this urban legend the other day. Fascinating.

Suzanne writes:

Last week, a co-worker forwarded me an email that contained photos of tiny, naked babies supposedly modeled out of marzipan...

The delicate pink babes shown in the email aren't actually made out of ground up nuts. They are, in fact, sculpted from polymer clay by artist Camille Allen.  Allen's website assures visitors "If you've seen the "The Smell of Rain" or "Marzipan Babies" ( Or "Sugar Babies") email, you have probably seen some images taken from this website [like the one at right]. However those pictures are really of sculptures created out of clay by Camille Allen." The page further notes: "They are not real, premature babies."

This photo reminds me of Jeffersonville artist Jennifer Stocks-Dearborn and her "creepy naked babies."

Peep Show

I just posted this pic on my blog and thought you might enjoy it.

I hope the Easter Bunny puts lots of treats in your basket.

MM

ps - I found this delightful image here. 

 

 

Zany Anarchy

I just love what these people have to say about the internet...

Now Entering Cyberia (Population: Zero)

A Note on the Medium 

Due to your vague interest in these matters which have been deemed antisocial by the new thought police, you have been exiled to Cyberia. You may believe your visit to be voluntary, but ask yourself: if you could live—in real time, in full color, without a 'net'—the revolt and transformation you fantasize about, would you be here, contemplating and trading in mere representations of such things? The new isolation chambers and interrogation rooms largely need no judicial procedures or law enforcement to fill them—we confine ourselves to these office cubicles, internet cafes, and lonely bedrooms willingly, even believing ourselves to have found access to our dreams and desires here. ...  

"Spring seems as far off as Jessica Alba's Academy Award"

I know the general sentiment around town is that we're sick of winter, and guess what, the feeling is not limited to Vermont. Canadian columnist Scott Feschuk wrote an open letter to Mother Nature, basically asking her what the hell her problem is.

I want to know too.

"So much snow has fallen this winter that hell itself has frozen over — and you know what that means: now Rob Schneider gets to star in another movie. Thanks a lot, Mother Nature: first 410 cm of snow; next, Deuce Bigalow III: Gigolo Harder," says Scott.

Read more here.

And thanks to Dooce for the link.
 

Honk If You're Irish!

Diane and I left work for our annual jaunt upstreet to witness the splendor that is the S.D. Ireland Cement Truck Parade. They were 15 minutes late this year and Diane thought there were fewer trucks than usual, but they certainly made their presence known! At first I thought someone screwed up and adhered all of the sponsor logos upside down. On the return loop I realized that I was on the wrong side of the street!

Kudos to S.D. Ireland for keeping the tradition alive and supporting breast cancer research to boot. Erin Go Bragh!

Fingertip Reader at Disney World Turnstiles

File this under the "We Really Are Turning Into a Police State" Department. From Cory Doctorow at Boing Boing:

Today in my ongoing series of photos from my travels, this shot of the fingerprint reader at Walt Disney World's turnstiles. These machines (which, I'm told, capture the shape of your fingertip instead of your fingerprint itself) are used to keep Disney World customers from sharing or re-selling their admission tickets, and are part of a general and growing police-state climate at the parks that includes routine bag-searches at each park entrance.

The readers aren't very effective at stopping admission cheats... What these readers are effective at is conditioning kids to accept surveillance and routine searches and identity checks without particularized suspicion. One morning at Epcot Center, as we offered our ID to the castmember at the turnstile and began to argue (again -- they're very poorly trained on this point) that we could indeed opt to show ID instead of being printed, a small boy behind us chirped up, "No you have to be fingerprinted! Everybody has to be fingerprinted!"

Read the rest here.

Risky Business

It's nice to have an outlet like Blurt when I'm cruising the Internet late at night and come across a funny, yet terrifying, video like this one of Tom Cruise's 2004 birthday extravaganza put on by the Church of Scientology.

According to Gawker Media, the footage was shot aboard the Freewinds, the Church of Scientology's cruise ship. I think my favorite part is when Tom marches into his party to the theme from Top Gun. Although, his duet of Old Time Rock and Roll — complete with The Worm and splits — comes in a close second.

Just when we thought Tommy couldn't get any creepier...

Remember Alfred E. Neuman?

Even though Mad magazine doesn't exist anymore, it seems like everyone knows this face. Maybe because he's now in the White House?

Click the picture to see the metamorphosis...

Never Mind the Bollocks...

Ever catch yourself doing an unimaginably weird Google search? It happened to me today when I typed "testicle car ornament" into the search engine, hoping that none of my co-workers would look over my shoulder.

Why? I was on Route 7 this morning, and noticed an unusual appendage dangling from the trailer hitch of a pickup truck. After squinting at the pendulous object, which swung gently with every bump, I thought to myself, "are those testicles?"  Then I thought: "how does a mom explain that one to her sweet little four-year-old daughter?"

Sure enough, my Internet exploration turned up multiple companies that sell "Truck Nutz," also known as "Bumper Nuts." The  latter are more realistic looking (I'm not sure if that's a good thing). They come in various colors: Think olive drab, solid brass (pictured), and even...blue!

Weird.

Pick Your Nose

I also really need these:

And just about everything from that aforementioned website.

My birthday's not 'til July, but that shouldn't stop you.

Toasted Notes

I really, really need this...

The description says: This piping hot slice of toast is pretty hard to miss on your desktop, so you'll always be able to put your fingers on a buttery little self- stick note when you need one.

If you really, really need one too, go to perpetualkid.com

Giant Snow Woman Spotted In Maine

Is it an irradiated Frosty run amok? The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Christmas drag? No! It's a Guinness World Record!

My spouse forwarded me this photo of the tallest snowwoman in the world, which was shot by his co-worker Matthew Boynes during a weekend trip to Brunswick, Maine. (Matthew kindly gave us permission to post the image here. Thanks!) He says, "Notice the building to the left and the person taking a photo right in front, as size references."

The good folks of Bethel, Maine, built the world's tallest snowman in 1999, and recently one-upped themselves by several feet and a gender switch.

The creators named her "Olympia", after Maine senator Olympia Snowe; she made her debut on February 29 but seems to be holding up pretty well. Here's another hint about the scale: Her eyelashes are skis.

Check out the builders' blog for a webcam and stats, or see this Flickr photoset of her crane-enabled construction.

Adolescent Accent Humor

This woman was interviewed on NPR the other day — last night I checked it out on YouTube and found this cool satire.

Food Court: The Musical

The Grand Central video was great, but this one is even better.

Sixteen secret agents from Improv Everywhere perform a musical for unsuspecting diners at a mall food court in California.

Reminds me of the brilliant Buffy musical. Did someone summon the Lord of the Dance? 

Stopping Time at Grand Central

Paula sent me this incredible video of the best prank ever. I'm not sure why she didn't just post it on this blog. It's definitely worth sharing. UPDATE: See more stunts from these Improv Everywhere pranksters here.

Stuff White People Like

A friend just sent me a link to this blog called Stuff White People Like.

I was curious — what do white people like? I mean, I'm white, and I live in the 2nd whitest state in the union, so I should be an expert, right? But I've always felt different. Unusual. Special. Like I was smarter than other white people. Or more exceptional. And not just because I'm gay.

Turns out I'm wrong! Other white people are apparently a lot like me.

They like bad memories of high school (#83), living by the water (#51), public radio (#44) and religions their parents don't belong to (#2).

White people also hate corporations. Or some of them, anyway. Here's how SWPL explains it:

If you plan to engage in lengthy conversations or get high with white people it is recommended that you read No Logo or one issue of AdBusters. Failing that, it is acceptable to buy a copy to leave on your coffee table. When white people see it, they will recognize you as someone who can see through the advertising and has a proper perspective on life.

When engaging in a conversation about corporate evils it is important to NEVER, EVER mention Apple Computers, Target or Ikea in the same breath as the companies mentioned earlier. White people prefer to hate corporations that don’t make stuff that they like.

According to the L.A. Times, the anthropological expert responsible for this blog is a white guy named Christian Lander. Writer Gregory Roderiguez explains the joke:

One irony-deficient reader complained that the blog was less about white people than it was about yuppies. And without knowing it, she was cutting to the heart of the joke. Lander is gently making fun of the many progressive, educated, upper-middle-class whites who think they are beyond ethnicity or collectively shared tastes, styles or outlook. He's essentially reminding them that they too are part of a group.

"I'm writing about the white people who think they're absolutely unique and individual," Lander told me. "I'm calling them out and poking fun of myself. The things I post are all the things I like too!"

Well, that was fun. Now I have to start reading my Sunday New York Times. I'm not even kidding. The delivery guy was late this morning because of the ice storm, which is why I turned on the computer in the first place.

Obscure pic of the moment