Back to School Stall Out

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I met a guy at a party at the end of last semester, but nothing major happened, so when summer started, I put him out of my mind. Then he wished me a happy birthday over — you guessed it — Facebook. We started cyber-chatting, culminating in him giving me his number, telling me to text him some time. Well, I did text him, and he suggested we get together — and we haven't yet. We've made tentative plans a couple of times, but we never actually end up hanging out. Now that school's back in session, we talk when we run into each other in the halls, but nothing formal seems to be in the stars.

I just would like to know what is going on in this guy's head. Your thoughts, MM?

Sincerely,

Confused in Guyville

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Dear Confused,

Returning to campus is exciting and overwhelming, and your guy clearly has a case of stimulation overload. With so many parties, people and possibilities, it's no big surprise that he's hesitant to start something as soon as the first bell rings. His need to be a free agent is obviously outweighing his attraction to you, so give him what he's asking for — let him be.

I'm not suggesting you turn into a mega-bitch every time you see him, but stop worrying about what's going on in his head and focus on the one person who truly matters: you. The sooner he sees that you're an independent woman who doesn't need his half-hearted invitations to hang out, the sooner he'll make a date with you and stick to it. If he doesn't figure it out, he'll be the one wearing the dunce cap — not you.

Oh, and one more thing for the dudes: At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, please stop giving us your numbers and telling us to "text you." Grow some balls, ask for our numbers — then call.

You've been schooled,

MM

Comments

[Big Al]

Harumph! Y'know, sometimes ya just have to ask "You free for lunch?". Sometimes they say yes, sometimes they don't; and that brief moment in time as you wait for their reply, my friends, is where the thrill is.

Life is short. Eat dessert first!

[I_look_like_a_man]

“Oh, and one more thing for the dudes: At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, please stop giving us your numbers and telling us to "text you." Grow some balls, ask for our numbers — then call.”

In my own experience of asking women out, many of them are for some reason unable to politely say, “I'm sorry, I'm not interested.” So what I've gotten instead is, “Sure.”, and what I later find out to be a bogus phone number. Which is really insulting. Why would I have asked you if you were interested in going out some time if I didn't want an honest answer??? Perhaps in some circumstances a woman not directly answering no is her way of letting the guy down gently. But from my perspective as a man, it insults my intelligence, integrity, honesty, and is more demeaning than had she simply said no. We are all vulnerable people. So treat your fellow human beings with the honesty, kindness, and respect you would want for yourself.

Now I recognize that it's not fair to put all women into this box. But a large share of you gals seem to fit into it quite well. So if you find us hesitant or unwilling to ask for your phone number, there's your answer.