Virgin Territory
Dear Mistress Maeve,
Unlike those of most of your readers, my sex question pertains to
a lack of it. I'm a 41-year-old male virgin who's never had a relationship.
Women have been like fleeting birds in my life. What are the consequences of
lack of sex, and how do I get started? Online dating hasn't gone anywhere.
Should I keep trying the "casual encounters" route, or attend church
for more socialization? What about therapy? I want a relationship, but anything
would be good enough right now. Can you help?
Signed,
Lonely Vermonter
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Dear Lonely,
Popular culture would have us
believe that Americans are having sex all the time with everyone from coworkers
to neighbors to MILFs to escorts. But that's simply not true — most of us are
as hard up as you are. Sure, it's a little odd that you're 41 years old and
have yet to hump, but that doesn't make you an undateable leper.
The
only consequence of lack of sex is a debilitating lack of confidence, which I
fear is a major factor contributing to your empty social calendar. Forget
online dating and hook-up sites where you're just one dude in a sea of dudes
trying to get their swerves on. Instead, focus on joining groups or
participating in activities that show your talents. Take a cooking class,
volunteer at your church or host a World of WarCraft meetup — whatever floats your boat. If you begin
meeting women with similar interests to your own, you'll greatly increase your
chances of developing the relationship you crave.
As
for therapy, I recommend it for everyone. Talking with friends is great, but
there's nothing like the attentive ear and helpful suggestions of an objective
professional. Go for it.
In virgin territory,
MM
"or host a World of Warcraft meetup"
*tweet* Flag on the play! Unnecessary use of stereotype! 10 yard penalty.
Posted by: Dave Lawrence | Thursday, October 01, 2009 at 03:35 PM
Guilty as charged.
Posted by: Mistress Maeve | Thursday, October 01, 2009 at 03:37 PM
Yeah, I think you violated like a Bro Code or sumpin'.
:)
Posted by: Big Al | Thursday, October 01, 2009 at 04:35 PM
90% of the WoW players I know irl have significant others (sometimes dating each other, I will admit). In case the game & comic shops on Church St didn't tip you off, Burlington is a geek haven.
Posted by: Orc Warrior + Elven Druid | Thursday, October 01, 2009 at 05:11 PM
Orc and Elven,
Totally! That's precisely why I used a "geeky" example of something Lonely could do -- the more you embrace what makes you unique, the more likely it is others will embrace you (whatever the case may be).
And, while I was joking about "guilty as charged," I used that example more to say "geeks are attractive" -- don't be afraid to fly your freak flag.
Incidentally, three of the last four people I slept with played WoW or some equivalent...
Hearting the geeks,
MM
Posted by: Mistress Maeve | Thursday, October 01, 2009 at 06:11 PM