Dear Mistress Maeve,
Just finished up my junior year of college and will be returning next semester, living with the same group of guys I roomed with this year. I’ve been chill with these guys since first-year orientation, and I thought I knew everything about them. However, a situation just occurred that I can’t get forget about.
On the last day of our lease, one of my housemates apparently thought we had all moved out, but I still had one load of stuff to take out. When I went back, I found him beating off in the living room. He thought he would be alone, so no big deal — but I know that I saw something in his butt. Is this a normal thing for men to do? Does this mean he’s gay? Because I don’t know any straight guys who let anything near their asses. I don't want it to be weird next semester.
Dear Exit Only,
Would you feel weird about being his roommate because you caught him masturbating, or because you think he’s gay? Either way, it’s time for you to grow up and see this situation for what it is: no big deal.
Sure, whacking off in a common area of the house is a no-no — but, like you said, he thought everyone had moved out. As far as the “something” in his butt is concerned, it doesn’t make him gay. In fact, the only thing it makes him is more sexually enlightened than you. The anus has thousands of sensitive nerve endings, plus it gives you access to your prostate. Many men, gay and straight alike, derive immense pleasure from anal stimulation with a tongue, finger or toy.
Walking in on your roommate getting busy with himself must have been a shock, but by the time next semester rolls around, it will most likely be a distant memory. If it turns out your roomie is gay, you shouldn’t allow it to have any bearing on your friendship — he’s still the same guy you’ve known for years.
Use this awkward experience to further your own sexual exploration. Before you go knocking anal pleasure, you might want to try it. Who knows, you might change your “Exit Only” sign to read “Entrance in Rear.”