Beat L.A.!

You have to admit. I've been pretty good lately. Aside from my marathon rant — which I would argue hardly counts — I have kept my sports grumblings largely to myself. In fact, I'll even spare you my thoughts on the potentially epic Celtics-Lakers NBA Finals set to start tonight — at 9:07p.m. . . . WTF? Besides, I likely couldn't offer anything Bill Simmons doesn't in this terrific and utterly unbiased (wink wink) look at the history of the greatest "rivalry" in pro basketball. Seriously, it's hysterical. Thanks to 7D freelancer John Pritchard for sending it my way.

Instead, I'd like to submit this first video as a tribute to the perfect union of my two guiltiest pleasures, sports and cheesy hair metal. And also as the answer to the eternal question: What has nine arms and sucks?

The second video is meant as a tribute to the Basketball Gods — the 1986 Celtics, for those scoring at home. And as the answer to that other eternal question: What has 10 arms and sucks? (Hint: the L.A. Lakers).

We'll get back to music tomorrow, I promise — and it's gonna be a hell of weekend! But for now: GO GREEN!

Loves horses, and Eli Manning too...

So how bout that Super Bowl, eh?

Uh, yeah. I don't actually watch football. Baseball is my sport. And frankly, intensely watching a team from March through October requires a few months of rest from any sports coverage.

But if I had to claim affiliation to any team, it would be the Patriots. If only because I spent just about every Sunday of my college career hanging out in my friend Brian's apartment with the game on. Everyone else was there for the football. I came for our friend Aliza's famous spinach artichoke dip.

And so I clearly remember the celebration after the 2002 Patriots victory, and that of 2004, and 2005. A part of me felt like I should have made the trek back to Maine to watch the 2008 game with the old gang. And the old dip.

Instead I went to my childhood home in Connecticut, land of brown winters and big box store strip malls.

And Giants fans.

Yep, it's true. Not only did my grandfather play college football with Giants defensive end legend Andy Robustelli, but I spent my Super Bowl Sunday at the home of my best friend from high school. My best friend from high school and her entire New York fan family.

But it was all ok. And you know why? Because New York or New England, there was one thing we could all agree on: Tom Petty.

HELL YEAH TOM PETTY!

I mean let's be honest for a second. No matter how much hype the Super Bowl halftime show gets, no matter how many people claim to watch it, it blows. It's all lights, and flash, and medleys, and nipples, and just... not my scene. I'd actually rather watch football.

But when I heard that Tom Petty had agreed to perform, and had promised no medleys and no dancers, I was definitely curious.

My verdict? Overall, I enjoyed it.

Petty kept his word. No medleys and no dancers. Of course, there was a crowd to rush the stage and 'sing along' (many appeared to not actually know the lyrics) in brightly colored tee-shirts with obviously-issued identical flashlights. But, meh, that was unavoidable.

The band delivered four great American rock songs, appealing to all generations. And at our basement party of five Giants fans and one Patriots fan-wannabe, we all sang along. And sat there through the entire thing. Which is really the whole point, at least in the eyes of the NFL. If they can guarantee views, they can continue to charge a high price for advertising.

My only real concern was that I'm pretty sure Tom Petty flat-ironed his hair.

Which is just... bizarre.

Almost as bizarre as that underdog upset.

But in all seriousness, congrats to the Giants fans. That was a pretty amazing thing your boys pulled off last night.

Now get them a new home base, would ya? Because according to their season's record, The Meadowlands just isn't lucky enough for a team that can now call themselves the 2008 Super Bowl Champions. And the only group able to muster enough force to stop that uber-human strength generated by the shine of Brady's straight-toothed smile.

Bloggity Bloggity Bloggity

Whew! What a weekend.

Friday night, I finally got a chance to catch local ska revivalists Husbands. What a hoot! I won't delve too deeply into my impressions as you'll be able to read all about it in tomorrow's paper. But talk about a flashback. The band is still fairly new on the scene and as such are a bit rough around the edges. It's forgivable. I haven't been to a good ska-punk show in probably close to ten years and goddamn if it wasn't fun. The whole night kinda made me long for my saddle shoes and checkered suit jacket. Ah, memories.

Saturday night, I acted as a judge for the Higher Ground Comedy Battle. Again, you can read more about this tomorrow. But I have to say that I went in with fairly minimal expectations. Stand-up comedy is sort of like karaoke in that it's only fun if it's either really good or REALLY bad. For the most part, the 11 contestants fell in line with the former. Color me pleasantly surprised.

The winner was a 20 year-old creative writing major at Johnson State College named Roger Miller. Honestly, if this guy doesn't pack his bags and head for NYC after graduation, something is horribly wrong with the world. Dude was hysterical. I think my favorite observation dealt with port-o-lets at music festivals — part of a larger, equally funny bit about drugs, hippies and jam bands. To paraphrase, you know something is truly disgusting if it's too nasty to piss into. Indeed.

Sunday night, I had every intention of pulling the Higher Ground two-fer and checking out Neko Case. But sometimes life gets in the way of the best laid plans. Unfortunately, my girlfriend threw out her back skiing at Jay Peak — on her second run of the day — and I ended up playing nurse all night, which is nowhere near as fun as playing doctor. Whoa!

Anywhoo . . .

I'm not a huge Neko Case fan, but I was really looking forward to seeing Eric Bachman. I dug both of his old(?) bands — Archers of Loaf and, in particular, Crooked Fingers. But alas, no soup for me. I hear it was a pretty sweet show though.

However, I did find myself in a rather strange position on Sunday afternoon as it was the first Sunday with no football since September. I've never put much stock in the whole "Cabin Fever" thing. But I'll be honest: I was kinda losin' my shit. I would have settled for the Toronto Argonauts versus the Montreal Alouettes . . . seriously, the Alouettes? That might be the lamest name in professional sports.

The funniest?  A tie between former Detroit Lions defensive back Harry Colon and Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson. And once again, I digress. 

Fortunately, my sports junkie fix came in the unlikely form a Chuck Klosterman article on ESPN.com. The piece deals with the New England Patriots pursuit of perfection with a win in this Sunday's Super Bowl and how the team's legacy — and more specifically that of quarterback/golden boy Tom Brady — would actually be more enduring were they to choke and lose. Essentially, the premise is that Americans, on the whole, identify with failure more closely than they do success. It's more humanizing to watch someone like Brady suffer defeat than it is to watch him continue to be virtually perfect. I think it's the same reason American Idol is still on the air — it's fun to watch people fail.

Though I vehemently disagree with his conclusion that Pats should lose, the argument makes sense. Frankly, Brady is a god among men. He's got model looks. He's the best player on the best team at the most high-profile position in sports. He dates one of the most beautiful women on the planet, Gisele Bundchen. And he recently fathered a child with another, actress Bridget Moynihan. If I didn't love him, I'd hate him.

Regardless of your interest in football, it's an intriguing read. Check it out. Except for you, Casey. I know how much you love Klosterman. And football.

Well, folks. That's all I've got for now. In the meantime, the story I wrote last week about teaching kids to play guitar using Guitar Hero has been getting some attention on reddit.com. And as a result, it's the second most popular story ever on Seven Days' new website. It's even prompted a snarky discussion about my work outside the friendly confines of Solid State. Neat-o! 

No snappy title.

I have a million and a half things to write before Brooke and I head to Boston to see Brian Wilson on Friday. It's my third time. I feel like a member of some weird cult. On BW's website, he's encouraging attendees to wear loose-fitting robes and Nike sneakers. Wonder if they serve Kool-Aid at the Orpheum?

Anyway, here's a funny thing I stole from Pitchfork:

That's everyone's pal Borat hangin' with Mastodon.

While we're on the subject of hairy prog-metal, check out this live clip of Mastodon's tune "Capillarian Quest." The middle section shreds like a hundred biomechanical blizzard beasts.

Enter the Dragon.

So we went to see DragonForce last night. Utterly ridiculous. Metal should never be in a major key!

Since y'all are undoubtedly interested, here's some of the highlights:

#1 The place was packed. The audience — mostly kids born after 1985 —  knew the words to every song, singing lines like, "So now we fly ever free / We're free before the thunderstorm / On towards the wilderness our quest carries on / Far beyond the sundown, far beyond the moonlight / Deep inside our hearts and all our souls." Can you believe it? I couldn't.

#2. The band cracked weird sexual jokes about one another. It seemed a little too cozy, if you get my meaning.

#3. The singer can hit all the notes.

#4. Guitarist Herman "Shred" Li is out of control. Two-hand tapping is just the tip of the iceberg with this fella. His Digitech whammy pedal makes the solos sound like sped-up video game music.

#5. They had a wind machine, a fog machine and a giant banner. It was as if they were performing in a stadium. Band members took turns running to either side of the stage, stepping out front and flipping their hair around. Rinse and repeat.

#6. The keyboardist took a solo during which he played the keytar with his teeth. Ever go through the patches on a synth and wonder who the hell would use those cheesy factory presets? I found the answer in this guy.

#7. They have an honest-to-goodness power ballad. The shirtless frontman actually asked if there were "any single girls in the audience" before donning a glam-tastic black cowboy hat and crooning like it were 1987.

#8. The ladies actually ate it up.

#9. The drummer must have Popeye-size forearms from all that jackhammer snare action.

#10. All of the songs employ the same formula and construction. That didn't stop the audience from singing along, raising their fists and hopping up and down as instructed.

It was truly a bizarre spectacle. The world has apparently gone mad. I'm just waiting for the inevitable a capella craze.

Speaking of silly metal stuff.... Thanks again, Mark!

OK- I'm getting obsessed.

I found this clip of the aforeposted DragonForce on YouTube. It features the band's two guitarists playing the solo to the song "Through Fire and Flames." The best part is that they actually put a box at the bottom of the screen so you can watch their hands close up. What geeks!

Thine Chalice Runneth Over.

"wheedle-ee-wheedle-ee-wheedle-ee!"

I've always found "power metal" (or "adventure metal," as it's sometimes known) to be the most ridiculous of hard-rock genres. With all their neo-classical riffing and quasi-operatic vocals, bands of this variety are practically begging to be poked fun at.

Still, I admit to being compelled by D&D-inspired rockers. What would make a man (or woman) sing of wizards and battlements, anyway? The answer may never be clear. At least not to me.

Yesterday, while struggling to choose the spotlights for next week's issue, I discovered that British power metallers DragonForce are playing at Higher Ground. It's in the Ballroom, so they must be expecting some kind of turnout. I had no idea this kind of sound was a draw in sleepy Vermont. Maybe there are orcs in these here hills.

Anyway, here's one of their tunes: "Through the Fire & Flames"

It's totally goofy, no?