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September 30, 2008

Bush to Sell Vermont to Fund Bailout

* * * * * * BREAKING NEWS * * * * * *  BREAKING NEWS * * * * * * BREAKING NEWS * * * * * *

WASHINGTON, DC: A new bailout proposal is being touted by Pres. George W. Bush as "the plan to end all plans" and we've learned the plan includes selling off a few of Uncle Sam's assets. Oregon, Vermont, and Idaho are being put up on the auction block.

As Vermonters know, Bush has yet to set foot in Vermont — the only state in the union he has failed to visit during his presidency. And, as we all know AIG was just saved from extinction by the feds. AIG, for those who might now know, owns a huge stake in the Stowe Mountain Resort.

In announcing the plan, Bush said of Vermont:

"I think it borders New York and maybe New Hampshire. I mean, I've been to New Hampshire, and I know where that is; but Vermont is a little too 'out in the woods' for me even. As I said, some sacrifices will need to be made. I'm thinking the Dutch, and maybe some other northern Europeans, will be very interested."

Note to Vermont's secessionists and critics of the Douglas administration who thought we should buy those Connecticut River dams and become energy independent: Start weighing out your gold and holding a few bake sales, maybe the price will be right. Maybe set up a PayPal account.

I bet people from other states will chip in and help us buy our way out of the union. Quick, call Bill O'Reilly!

No response yet from Gov. Jim Douglas, or Vermont's congressional delegation, on the plan. Staff need to revive them first.

Editor's Note: Clearly this is a parody, taken from The Spoof. George Bush would never sell Idaho.

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