What I Want From My Governor
During this election season, I've been thinking a lot about what I want from my politicians, and in particular, from my governor. Now, this is dangerous since I know somewhere between not much and absolute bubkes about politics. OK, that's not necessarily true — I work for a newspaper, so I'm not totally out of the loop — but I'm no wonk. Or Wonkette. Whatever.
If you ask most people what they want to see from their politicians, they'll likely say honesty, integrity, forthrightness and fresh breath. Oh, and the willingness to cut taxes. And the ability to keep their wieners under control.
But not me. I'm looking for something a little more basic from my governor. Below is a list (illustrated with helpful photos) of things I want my leaders to be good at. If Shumlin and Dubie can handle these tasks, then I'd be happy to throw either man my vote.
RIBBON CUTTING
GROUND BREAKING
GIANT CHECK HOLDING
PROCLAMATION SIGNING
HAND SHAKING
CRAFTING
HONORARY DEGREE RECEIVING
PODIUM STANDING
FISHING
And, in the event of a tie (with regard to ability to perform aforementioned tasks), I will use the following to determine who gets my precious vote for guv:
THE ABILITY TO PERFORM TWO OR MORE OF THESE TASKS AT ONCE
Hand shaking and honorary degree receiving? At the same time? Uncle Jim, you're an ANIMAL!
Could we also go back to the days of Howard Dean and add "walking down the street in shirt sleeves and speaking directly to citizens"? I've missed that function!
Posted by: Liz Schlegel | October 21, 2010 at 10:48 AM
The fact that Douglas regularly takes shit for doing things that every Governor - including the next one - does/will do only goes to show what a good Governor he was.
Liz, I saw him chatting with people in a store a few months ago, does that count? Or does it have to be on the street?
Posted by: Jimmy | October 21, 2010 at 12:35 PM
I've shaken hands with both Brian Dubie and Peter Shumlin. Dubie's wrists are small and shaking his hand is like holding a dead fish: clammy and heavy. Peter Shumlin on the hand, man, what a handshake! FIrm, but not too firm. Quick but thoughtful. Good eye contact. He has big hands and I think he could hold a HUGE check or one of those oversized pairs scissors they use to cut ribbons. I think Dubie would drop the check and the scissors and someone could really get hurt and who wants to see that happen? Vote for Shumlin.
Posted by: anonymous | October 21, 2010 at 02:13 PM