Vt. Oldsters are Getting Randy

Tweet

Having worked in newspapers for some time now, nothing should shock me. Human behavior is wacky and unpredictable and icky and glorious, often all at the same time. You could tell me that your best friend gave birth to a horse named Miley Cyrus during monsoon season in New Mexico and it most likely wouldn't phase me. I'd probably want to see pictures of that sweet little filly. 

So when I happened to land on this sparkler of a personal ad (click on photo to enlarge) on our Hot 2 Trot website, it came as somewhat of a surprise that I was so scandalized by it. It's not that I don't think AARP members get it on from time to time — I'm pretty sex positive and I think that everyone should get some play, no matter how saggy their skin. It's that this 73-year-old grandma be NASTEE! 

Let's talk this through: 

First, grandma is taking nude (or implied nude) photos of herself and her prodigious bosom and posting them on the Internet. Meaning that one, at least one silver fox was paying attention during her computer class at the senior center, and two, your G-ma most likely knows how to do this as well. 

Secondly, grandma not only knows what a blow job is, but she's giving them out to friends while their respective spouses are sitting in rocking chairs doing the crossword puzzle or knitting afghans while watching one of their "programs." 

Thirdly, and perhaps most shocking, is the fact that grandma is into rimming. It's like the fountain of youth, only dirtier. I see a new porn genre in the making — Raging Anal Grannies™. If you steal my idea, I'm gonna be pissed.   

This ad wasn't the only one posted recently on our Hot 2 Trot site that raised my eyebrow because of the person's age. Two other ads posted recently suggested that their writers were spry, willing and sexually adventurous octogenarians. However, my sense is that those ads are fakes. I mean, really, what 80-year-old would write so candidly about her hip replacement and dentures as they relate to sex? (a NASTEE one!) If you're going to write a fake ad from an elderly sexpot, at least throw in some mentions of Preparation H, liver spots and the Glenn Miller Orchestra to make it interesting.  

As for our original naughty nana, I'm pretty sure her ad is legit. And I wish her the best in her quest for some ass. I'm just glad she's not my grandma. 

Comments

[pippin]

Hey there,

I'm really actually kind of stunned at Lauren's anti-sex, anti-senior, anti-love and anti-affection rant here. As a lesbian, I would think that Lauren would be somewhat more sensitive to strangers going around saying "icky-poo, gross" about other people's sex lives. And she's mocking and humiliating paying Seven Days customers at that.

I'm not a senior yet, but I sure hope that my sex life is still going strong when I'm seventy and eighty. I don't need little, snarky hipsters to tell me that I'm gross for having very real, appropriate desires.

This post comes across as petulant a twelve year old who saw their parents kissing. It's funny when you're twelve. Not so much when you're a full grown adult, mocking people that you don't even know. I can't believe Seven Days posted this mean-spirited drivel.

A little sex-positivity for everyone would be nice. What's Lauren going to do next - mock people with disabilities who want a little love in their life?

I really do enjoy Lauren's serious journalism and I'm glad that Seven Days hired her, but way too often her snark voice misses the mark by a mile. She should just stop trying to be funny and stick with real journalism.

[Siobhan]

If she's 73 now, that means she was 33 in 1971. Who do you think was participating in all those key parties and swinging couples scenes of the 70s while the kids were out marching and going to Woodstock?

[verplanck]

I second Pippin's comment. Snark articles are better suited to ridiculing the powerful, not the little guy/girl. Or stinkberries, inanimate objects don't care either way. "grandma" deserves an apology.

[Jimmy]

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

[one_vermonter]

Imagine how different this discussion would be if the personal ad was written by "Gramps" instead of "Granny".

[gumzrus]

I'm 70 and have been told that I give good head and that it's even better when I remove my dentures.

Really, Lauren, you need to bone up on your Kraft-Ebling.

[Jeff]

I second Pippin's comments. I expect better from you Lauren, i really do. This kind of article does not put you in a good light. I'm not sure if you were trying to be funny, but you came across as snobby, stuck up brat. I'd expect something like this from some of the commentors on the BFP, but not from you. For shame.

Hope Granny is enjoying her life and the time she has here on this planet!

[Bob]

My father in law revealed that he was still having sex with his wife. He said "why not? I like it."

[Bob]

I forgot to add that he made this comment while in his eighties. His wife was present and didn't deny the comment.