Quiz: Ben & Jerry's Flavor or Porn Flick?

Revered Vermont institution Ben & Jerry's found itself in the news today, and not for its yummy, creamy treats: The company filed a lawsuit against the producer of the "Ben & Cherry's" series of pornographic films. Each title in the X-rated series is, you guessed it, a parody of a B&J's ice cream flavor. The New York Daily News has the scoop, along with some potentially not-safe-for-work photos (although the scandalous bits are blacked out) (not talking about the photo of Ben and Jerry themselves though).

The socially conscious Vermont company is suing a California smut peddler that blatantly ripped off its logo for X-rated DVDs.

...

An unprintable title drawn from the flavor Banana Split features two bare-chested women on the cover.

A lawsuit filed Wednesday in Manhattan Federal Court demands the porn be taken off the market and seeks unspecified damages.

Unprintable? What prudes you are, New York Daily News.

Anyway, one wonders if Ben & Jerry's has a leg to stand on, given that some of their real-life flavor names are, well, kinda scandalous. (Yes, that includes Clusterfluff, which could probably be the title to a very fascinating porno but was later changed to What a Cluster.) Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all, and those Häagen-Dazs people can only wish that there was anything sexy about their treats.

And now, a game: We've listed ten names below. It's up to you to decide if each one is a Ben & Jerry's flavor or a porno flick. The answers are listed after the jump. Ready? Go!

1. Americone Cream
2. Schweddy Balls
3. Chubby Hubby
4. New York Super Fat and Chunky
5. Late Night Snack
6. Berried Treasure
7. Hairy Garcia
8. Peanut Butter D-Cups
9. Karamel Sutra
10. Boston Cream Thigh

The Vermont Brew Bracket: Results from Day 1, Voting Open for Day 2

Yesterday we kicked off the Vermont Brew Bracket with voting in half of the first-round match-ups. There are no big upsets to report so far; the higher-seeded brew won in all match-ups. Congratulations to Wolaver's Oatmeal Stout for winning with the largest margin, a 77.2% to 22.8% drubbing of McNeill's Pullman's Porter. The closest match-up popped up in the Nugget region, where Rock Art Ridge Runner edged out Zero Gravity TLA IPA by 9 percentage points.

Voting is now open for the Centennial and Simcoe regions, featuring the debut of more big Vermont beers (and Woodchuck Amber Cider, for the non-beer drinkers among us). Click here to cast your votes before the end of today.

Tomorrow we move on to the second round — the Sweet 16 Oz. The voting window for that will begin tomorrow and last through the weekend.

After the jump, see all the results from Day 1.

Meet the 7D Marathon Relay Team... and Weep

Attention, Burlington Marathon relay teams: Prepare to eat our dust!

That's right. Seven Days is no longer just an awesome source for Vermont news and entertainment. With the debut of our relay team at this Sunday's KeyBank Vermont City Marathon, we are now officially an unbridled athletic juggernaut. And we're gonna waste your pathetic relay team.

Our five-member squad is stacked with elite athletes who've spent months training for this awesome challenge. While the rest of you spent your winters on treadmills with TVs at some cushy, heated health club, the 7D runners were training deep in the Siberian wilderness — sawing logs, lifting bags of rocks and mushing on all fours like freakin' sled dogs.

It's that kind of intensity that's going to propel us to an easy-breezy, chest-slapping finish at Waterfront Park this Sunday. When you're done puking and nursing your sore hammys, come find us. We'll be the ones in the blue 7D T-shirts (designed by our own Don Eggert) kicking back with Gatorade martinis.

Now, let's meet the Seven Days runners.

Need Help? Ask Some Drag Queens

As further proof that everyone and their mother is hopping on the digital caboose, our good friends over at the Hot Damn Trailer Park in Beaver Pond now have their own app.

Vermont's favorite drag queens, the Sisters Lemay, recently released "Ask Some Drag Queens," a mobile app for iProducts and Droids made by the dubiously named KrappApp. According to the app, which we purchased for a whopping $1.49, the program was created by a "young adult cancer survivor," and 10 percent of the profits will go to the I'm Too Young for This! Cancer Foundation. The app can be purchased from iTunes or the Android Market. 

The app works a little bit like a magic 8-ball. Only instead of shaking the device and getting some crap answer to your most burning life questions (You: "Will I get laid off?" Magic 8-ball: "Outlook good."), you need only touch one of the ladies' photos to hear one of 100 snappy replies to your queries. 

The app doesn't do much beyond provide the user with various kitschy Lemayisms. But it could be entertaining at a wine cooler party. Below are some examples of the app in action.

Ask Some Drag Queens intro

Boyfriend question for Amber

Career question for Margaurite

Fashion question for Margaurite

Makeup question for Lucy Belle

 

If you still can't figure out how the app works, consult this handy video below.

Viva Rut-Vegas! Milton Rep. Seeks to Legalize Casino Gambling

With Vermont $178 million in the hole, a state lawmaker from Milton and several colleagues are going "all in" with a new revenue scheme: legalized casino gambling.

H.131, introduced just today, proposes to require the state lottery commission to issue one casino gaming license. Under the bill, the casino would pay the state $5 million for the license, plus 10 percent of adjusted gross receipts. The cost to apply for the license would be $50,000.

"With the budget constraints that we have in Vermont, there's always ways to look for ways to bring in revenues," says Rep. Ron Hubert (R-Milton, pictured), the chief sponsor of the bill. "Constituents talk about how there are all kinds of bus trips from Vermont to surrounding states for casinos. It piqued my curiosity about how much revenue Vermont is losing to other states that offer this."

Does this bill stand a chance of passing? Don't bet the House on it. House Speaker Shap Smith tells Seven Days, through a spokesman, "I do not support casino gambling," though he declined to explain why.

But a bipartisan group of sponsors are pressing ahead. Hubert's bill has 16 co-signers. (For the full list, click the link to the bill, above). The legislation would permit one "casino enterprise," defined as the casino itself, plus "any bar, restaurant, hotel, cocktail lounge, retail establishment" or other facility connected to the casino. The laundry list of games specifically permitted by the bill include: faro, 21 monte, roulette, keno, bingo, fan tan, twenty-one, blackjack, seven and a half, Klondike, craps, poker, chuck a luck, Chinese chuck a luck (dai shu), wheel of fortune, chemin de fer, baccarat, pai gow, beat the banker, panguingui, slot machine, any banking or percentage game, or "any other game or device approved by the commission."

So, pretty much everything — except "games played with cards in private homes or residences in which no person makes money for operating the game except as a player."

Hubert says that based on his research of casinos in neighboring states, he estimates that Vermont state government could rake in upwards of $200 million a year from a single casino. Hubert suggests the proceeds could go to the state education fund, like lottery revenues do, which he says could reduce reliance on property taxes to fund schools. He also believes it would create good-paying jobs, claiming wages would be $14 to $25 an hour for dealers and other casino floor workers.

"I certainly don't want [Vermont] to become Atlantic City, but at the same time, if we have a large number of people in this state that enjoy that," it should be considered, Hubert says.

Knit Bombing in Burlington Promotes Suicide Awareness

Anyone passing by Burlington City Hall today surely noticed the art installation out front: a knit bombing, aka yarn, craft or guerrilla bombing, that bedecks the bears and deer in their respective fountains, as well as the iron railing, with bright yellow and black yarn and other fabric bits.

Juggling my umbrella and iphone, I took some pics. It is the second time this summer the city's granite pets have been so adorned.

This type of public artwork is normally considered graffiti, is frowned upon by city officials, and doesn't last long. As it happens, organizer Casey McMains, a Jericho glassblower, got permission from the Church Street Marketplace for this installation, which will remain on view through June 30.

And despite the somewhat merry appearance of a bear and deer clad in, well, anything, McMains' motivation for the display was a somber one.

What I Did For Money

Contest alert! We had so much fun sifting through the entries in the Best of the Beasts pet photo contest that we decided to do a contest for our "Money Issue" on April 1. So, here you go...

What's the craziest thing you've done for money? Did you work an odd job? Betray a confidence? Eat something gross on a bet?

C'mon, we know you've got a story, and we want to hear it.

Tell us your tale for our "What I Did For Money" contest, and you'd get a chance to win a package of restaurant gift certificates worth $100.

We'll print the best anecdotes in our Money Issue on April 1. Then we'll invite readers to vote on which story is best.

The deadline for submissions is Monday, March 30, at noon.

Click here to submit your story.

We've already gotten some good ones...