Camera Shy

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I’m in deep trouble. During a recent night of heavy drinking and partying, I cheated on my girlfriend with a woman I met at a bar. The worst part is, since I couldn’t take her back to the apartment I share with my girlfriend, I took her to the office building where I work. I have a key to the building, but no one is supposed to be there after hours. On our way out, I noticed a camera mounted in the hallway. I didn’t know we had security cameras! It’s been a couple of days and my boss hasn’t said anything. I’m paranoid and freaking out. What if he knows and isn’t saying anything yet? Maybe the camera is a fake to scare intruders away? What should I do?

Thanks,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Take a deep breath. Put your head between your legs if necessary — although I find it’s always far better to have someone else’s head between my legs. Listen, plenty of companies put up fake cameras as a ruse to run off robbers. More likely than that, though, the camera in your office does work, but the footage recorded on it won’t be consulted unless an incident occurs. So, as long your crime of passion was the only crime committed on premises that night, you’re probably in the clear. Just in case, though, you should prepare an Oscar-worthy speech about how you made a horribly out-of-character decision to bone your new beauty on the conference room table. On second thought, perhaps you should leave out the details . . .

Oh, and one more word of advice: if you are unhappy in your current relationship, end it. Do not disrespect your girlfriend again, or Karma might catch the whole tryst on camera next time.

Say cheese,
MM