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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

Dear Mistress Maeve,

Bisexual_2When I was 15, I came out of the closet as a lesbian and proceeded to date women through college. I was very out and an active member of the gay community for many years. After I graduated, I found myself attracted to men, too. I’m 25 now, and I just started seeing a guy I really like. I’m not sure when to tell him about my former life as a lesbian. He’s kind of a “guy’s guy,” and I’m worried about how he'll react. I’m hoping that it won’t be a big deal to him, but I’m worried that he’ll feel threatened. I’m hoping you can give me some advice.


Dear Anonymous,

My dear, you need to take the closet door off its hinges and stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. Unfortunately, in today’s society, you still might have some explaining to do about your “open door policy.” When you start dating a straight guy, tell him about your varied sexuality right away. He might get excited at first, as though this news means you’ll have an endless stream of women joining you in the bedroom. You should manage his assumptions and expectations by explaining that your sexuality has little to do with his personal pleasure. Unapologetically explain that you didn’t just make out with a few girls in college as a drunken party experiment — tell him about marching in the gay pride parade and bringing a girl to your high school prom.

Some men will be threatened by your bisexuality, but the majority will respect your history. After all, the more assorted sexual experiences you’ve had, the more they benefit from your vast bedroom knowledge. Let go of your awkwardness, take ownership of who you are, and be honest with him. If this guy is worth your time, he’ll appreciate the history that makes you who you are today.

Triple Kisses,

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