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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Power Trip

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My partner tends to be the more passive one in our relationship, which suits me just fine in day-to-day life, but I prefer to mix it up in the bedroom. I like taking charge most of the time, but every once in a while I'd like him to take the reigns. I know he wants to please me, but he says he feels self-conscious about being more aggressive because he's less experienced than I am. He just came out of the closet last year, whereas I have been out for decade — and have the little black book to prove it. I can't say I blame him for being nervous; I have a tendency to be critical and picky, and I think I scare him. I think he's terrified to take control because he thinks I'm going to judge him. How do I make him feel secure enough to take charge?


Dear Jackson,

The good news is you have a man who wants to please you. The bad news is you've created a situation in which he's scared to try. It sounds like you're communicating on some level about this issue, so I suggest you keep talking. If you take responsibility for being critical and picky, he's more likely to open up. Try telling him about some of your fantasies where he takes control and rocks your world. If he knows what you're thinking, he'll feel more confident in turning your naughty thoughts into hot realities. Here's an idea: let him blindfold you. Depriving you of one of your senses automatically makes you more vulnerable and enables him to have more control. Without your critical eye on him, you both might be surprised at what he'll allow himself to do. If all goes well, you could really put your money where your mouth is and let him to tie you up, too. If you really want him to be in control, you might consider relinquishing yours.


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