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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

'Tis the Season

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, and we just moved in together. I'm looking forward to spending the holidays with him, except for one thing. When we visit his parents in Connecticut, as we will do for Thanksgiving, they do not allow us to sleep in the same bed. When I visit their home I feel like a child, or worse, some sort of whore who is trying to corrupt their son. I want to be respectful, but I think their archaic rule is ridiculous! The most frustrating part is that my boyfriend won’t stand up to his parents. I think he should tell his mother and father that we’re both 22-year-old adults who are capable of controlling ourselves while we’re under their roof, but he’s a chicken and refuses to address the subject with them. Before the holidays get here, could you please offer us some advice?

Thanks,
Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

’Tis the season. I just love the holidays — too much face time with family, beckoning our buried emotional issues to come screaming to the surface over turkey and pumpkin pie. Pour me another eggnog!

Listen, it’s silly for you not to be allowed to sleep in the same bed as your man, but the bottom line is: it’s their house. If your boyfriend’s parents say you’re not sleeping together under their roof, You don’t have much recourse. I suppose you could calmly and politely bring up the issue in conversation; maybe they would offer you some insight into their old-fashioned standards, at which point you could assure them that you’re an absolute angel who would never defile their son in his childhood bedroom. But, it would be more effective this Thanksgiving to charm the pants off his parents. It sounds like you’re serious about this guy, so wouldn’t it be better to keep in the family’s good graces?

If you’re still miffed about the situation, stay in a hotel. By securing your own accommodations, you are respecting his parents’ boundaries but also sending a message that you are adults who can make your own decisions.

Gobble, gobble,
MM

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