Tight Squeeze

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I have met a wonderful, kind, beautiful, sexy lady. She is an enthusiastic lover who both initiates and accepts overtures for intimacy. She cares for me, loves touching me, and enjoys giving and receiving oral sex. The sex is enjoyable; however, even when we make love for a long time, I do not reach orgasm. Traditionally, I take a long time to come, but with her, I’m just not climaxing at all. I wouldn’t say she’s “loose,” but her vagina does not grip me as tightly as others have in the past. I’ve tried to bring up the subject casually, only to find out that she thinks she’s tight. I’ve heard Kegel exercises tighten vaginal muscles. Is this true? If so, how can I convince her to perform these exercises?

Sincerely,
In Love, But Also In Need

Dear ILBAIN,

Perhaps the problem has nothing to do with her vagina. Perhaps you’re hung like a field mouse in a winter storm? The reality is, I don’t care if you’re hung like John Holmes — suggesting to a woman that she perform vagina aerobics to suit your fancy is out of the question. You need to think about your lady’s self-esteem. Suggesting that her vagina is not up to par could cause some serious emotional damage and ruin your budding love affair.

You’re right, however — women can perform Kegel exercises to tighten the PC muscles along the pelvis floor. The exercises are easy: Just squeeze, hold and release the same muscles used to stop urination. I have a friend who performs 100 repetitions while driving to and from work each day. These exercises are most commonly used to prevent incontinence after childbirth, but studies have shown that they can also tone the vagina, increasing sexual pleasure for men and women. If you’re going to suggest to your lady that she perform Kegel exercises, don’t tell her it’s because she feels “loose.” Tell her that you heard performing Kegel exercises may increase her pleasure during intercourse and give her a more powerful orgasm. Encourage her to practice while you’re inside her — you’ll be able to tell her if she’s working the correct muscles, and you’ll enjoy the tighter grip.

Also, be sure to try different sexual positions, as some can cause the vagina to feel lax. Try making love in the spoon position, with you entering her from behind, or slide her legs together during missionary.

Above all else, don’t be a jerk. She sounds like a keeper, and if you’d like to develop this relationship, don’t pin the problem on her. Be creative and tactful until you find a lovemaking routine that works for both of you. If all else fails, your hand will always be as tight as you want it to be.

Squeeze and Release,
MM

p.s. If you're baffled by Kegel exercises, here's a helpful video where a vulva puppet demonstrates how to do the "up and in" method.