Kick Start

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I’m pretty much a normal guy, but I have a slightly different fetish that seems to cause issues when it comes to relationships. To put it bluntly, I enjoy being kicked in the balls. It’s not the most common fetish, but it is one that has been around for a while. There are many men who also have this fetish, although it seems more common in Asian countries. This has become more than just a fetish for me — it’s a necessity. In order to maintain a sexual relationship, I need a partner who is into this fetish and willing to participate on nearly a daily basis. I’ve dated a few women who have done this for me, but I can tell they did not enjoy it. I’m not into any other SM activities, just this one. Are there women out there who enjoy this who don’t do it for a living? I know men who are into it and keep it in the closet, but are there women doing the same thing? How would I find them?

D Cal

Dear D Cal,

Many men, of all races and orientations, share your fantasy of getting kicked in the family jewels. In fact, most men who share your fetish become fully aroused when their partners kick, grab, punch or squeeze their testicles — some men can even ejaculate from this intense pain without penis stimulation. In fetish circles, men who participate in this activity are known as ballbusters. Your fetish falls under the BDSM umbrella — that’s bondage, discipline, domination/submission and sadism/masochism. While you claim not to participate in other BDSM activities, most ballbusters I know also enjoy other fetish play where they are submissive and subjected to other forms of pain.

To find a partner, look within the BDSM community first. The only way you’re going to feel satisfied is with someone who is equally aroused by this activity. Try online personals specifically geared to alternative lifestyles, such as Seven Days’ Hot to Trot or Alt.com. Users on these sites can specify exactly what activities they’re interested in, so you might just meet your high-kicking queen. I’m sure she’s out there . . .

Oh, and one cautionary note: while most kicks to the groin will produce only minor swelling and some bruising, prolonged abuse to this area could cause more serious damage. Do yourself a favor — don’t bust a nut while you’re “busting a nut.”

Bags of love,
MM