It Gives Good Aural

If your vibrator could talk, what would it say? Ridiculous question? I think not.

Move over iBuzz Two and all other iPod-friendly sex toys with all the wires, controllers and junk you don't need — the Talking Head has the MP3 player built right in. With 64 megabytes of RAM, USB port, built-in microphone and head phone jack, you'll be screaming audi-ooohhhhhh in no time.

Think of the possibilities. Sure, you can download Marvin Gaye, but with the microphone built in, why not ask your lover to record a sexy message? The voice feature is especially nice if you're in a long distance relationship or if you or your partner travels frequently. The Talking Head holds about four minutes of audio — that's long enough for me.

If you don't have a partner and can't convince a stranger to talk into a dildo, the makers of the Talking Head also sell audio downloads — everything from Juan, the Latin lover to Mistress Jonvieve flogging her slaves. You can preview many of the downloads, and many of them are beyond funny — just make sure you wear your headphones if you're at work.

Although it's a little silly, I still give the Talking Head an A+ for effort. It's nice to see sex-toy technology catching up with these high-tech times. I just hope the makers of the Talking Head can generate enough sales to make a sexier promo video — because this over-scripted commercial featuring "Jessica" definitely is not: