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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Bi the Way...

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I am a single woman in my late thirties, never been married but have had several long-term relationships. I’m currently single and dating here and there. I’m writing to you because I’ve recently come to a realization that troubles me. I’m finding that I’m most attracted to bisexual men. Time and again, I’ve enjoyed my relationships with bisexual men much more than those with heterosexual men. When I’m with a straight man, I tend to feel boxed into the heterosexual norm, and eventually feel frustrated and bored. I just feel that bisexual men are more sensitive, and therefore make better partners. Plus, the idea of two men together turns me on like nothing else!

Am I the only woman who feels this way? Is it wrong or somehow discriminatory to be attracted to only one cross section of the male population? Also, how do I find bisexuals to date without coming out and asking men if they find other guys attractive?

All Bi Myself

Dear ABM,

Back off, sister. The line for hot, eligible bi guys starts behind me.

Listen, don’t second guess who you’re attracted to — just go for it. I understand that you don’t want to be narrow-minded in your search for a man, but if bi guys float your boat, I say full steam ahead. In this world of easy-access pornography, it’s not hard to see how society fetishizes entire groups of people: fat women, little people, transsexuals, etc. This type of pornography can be degrading and lead to abnormal sexual fixation by porn consumers. But I don’t get the sense that this is what’s happening for you. You’re simply saying that, after a bevy of experiences with different men, you find relationships more fulfilling with bisexual men on a number of levels.

One caution — it’s shortsighted to call one whole group of men “more sensitive” than another (believe me, I’ve met some sickeningly sweet straight men). However, I can see where many bisexual men would be more sensitive, given how much self awareness and courage it takes to come out of the closet in this uber-masculine, heterosexist world.

As for finding bisexual guys to date, you have to be proactive. Take out a Seven Days personals ad for now, and then hit up the Vermont Pride events this summer. In our rural state, you’re going to have to network to find a suitable boy who goes both ways.

Bi, bi,

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