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Monday, April 09, 2007

"Fag" Blocking

I've always considered myself bisexual, but lately my taste has turned decidedly male, and as time passes in a city without a gay bar, I feel less and less a part of the gay community — except that all my very best friends and closest confidantes are queer. I suppose this officially makes me a fag hag? I don't mind the term, if my gay friends don't mind the responsibility — it means having me tag along to dinners and benefits. In return, I goad them into accompanying me to exceedingly straight events and bars so I can get my swerve on.

This past weekend, after successfully dragging my gay pal to a Winooski bar that is never lacking in the hot man department, I learned a valuable lesson — gay men can be, without realizing it, the biggest cock blockers of them all! The Urban Dictionary defines a cock block as "Any action that impedes or stalls another's game, mack or pimp maneuver."  But after this weekend, I'm coining a new phrase: fag blocking.  I was sitting at the bar by myself while my gay pal took a call outside, when a rugged Vermonty-type wearing Carharts and sporting a grisly beard approached me and struck up a conversation about the great 5-piece Irish band playing raucously in the corner. I smiled, giggled and flirted through the short conversation and was getting ready to hand over my digits when my friend came back in, put his arm around me and started talking into my ear. My mountain man hunk retreated looking defeated and rather annoyed. I had been fag blocked.

Let this be a lesson to all you single, straight men out there — don't stop hitting on a girl who's giving you the green light just because you see her giggling and chatting up a guy. Before you call it quits, check him out — if he's wearing designer jeans and drinking a cosmopolitan, chances are she'd rather go home with you (and so would he).


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