Everlasting Love

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I’m gay and in a long-term relationship with a man I love. The sex is great, but I wish I could stay harder longer — as soon as I insert my banana into his split, it’s all over. I come instantly, leaving him wanting more. He turns me on so much that I can’t control myself.

I’ve seen a lot of information online about how to stay hard using desensitizing creams, but can you tell me what actually works?

Sincerely,
Floppy Joe

Dear F.J.,

While desensitizing creams are harmless and can do the trick, why would you want to decrease sensation during sex? These products contain lidocaine, the major ingredient in anti-itch creams and dental anesthetic. Sexy? I think not.

Instead of numbing your penis, practice controlling ejaculation on your own. Start by masturbating with a dry hand. Bring yourself close to orgasm, then back off. Keep yourself aroused, but do not allow yourself to ejaculate. Repeat this exercise for as long as you can stand it and be sure to take note of your body’s cues — the more you know about how your body works, the better you will become at controlling the “Big O.”

Once you’re better able to control orgasm with a dry-hand stroke, try the exercise with your favorite lube. The next step is to repeat this regiment with your partner, adding oral stimulation to your erection workout. Be sure to pay attention to your breathing and relaxation — men report a notable difference in ejaculation control when they add deep, deliberate breathing to lovemaking.

The old adage is true — practice does make perfect. If you set aside a little time for my recommended workout, you’ll be pumping more than iron in no time.

Everlasting love,
MM