Flying Solo

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My live-in boyfriend is a chronic masturbator. I wouldn’t mind so much if he would also pay sexual attention to me more than three to four times per month. I've tried wearing kinky outfits for him and asking flat out for sex, but he would rather go online and masturbate to porn.  I don't care if he wants to masturbate, but kicking me out of the bedroom so he can jerk off to porn doesn't seem right.

I'm not a guy, so I don’t understand why men would want to look at a bunch of pixels on a screen, day after day, rather than touch a warm, ready, and willing person who loves them dearly. Please help me; I don’t know what to do.

Lost to Pixels

Dear L to P,

In general, I have no problem with men (or women, for that matter) who would prefer, every once in a while, to pop on some porn and get off solo-style. Let's face it — the idea of having sex with a partner after a long, stressful day at the office or with the kids can sometimes seem too laborious a task to undertake. Because getting off relieves tension and stress, couples should encourage masturbation for the betterment of their relationships.

That said, your man is doing it all wrong. Perhaps he's indulging his more prurient fetishes online? Whatever the reason, there's no excuse for kicking you out of the bedroom on a regular basis. The two of you need to have a serious talk. Calmly and without judgment, tell him how his actions are affecting you and your relationship. See what he has to say about his one-handed-typing escapades — he might reveal some of his own issues about the relationship. Most importantly, let him know that unless his solos become duets, you'll be singing a different tune all together.

Masturbation is great, but only when the outcome is blissful orgasm and not hurt feelings. Lay down the law about him laying you down — or leave him behind.

Kisses,
MM