Back Talk

Dear Maeve,

Oh, wise sex goddess, please help me. My girlfriend and I have been going out for a few months. The sex is OK, but I’m a man who needs a little more pizzazz. I think I’ve pinpointed the problem: She doesn’t talk during sex. She moans a little, but that’s about it. I’ve never been a big talker, but my exes have been dirty motor mouths. How do I get my new girlfriend to filthy talk while we’re getting it on?

Love,
Silent But Deadly

Dear SBD,

Being that I’m the queen of tawdry talk, you’ve come to the right place.

Forget filthy — you need to start with the basics. You say you’re not a big talker, but if you want to turn your bashful beauty into Chatty Cathy, the onus is on you to facilitate the first rounds of raunch. Begin by softly telling her about all the things you’re about to do to her. And for goodness’ sake, use her language — if she calls it her “coochie,” you shouldn’t call it her “cockpit.” Next, encourage her to describe how it feels as you perform those naughty acts. Ask questions; a breathy “yes” or “no” answer can be as hot as a string of salacious sentences.

Once you’ve opened her mind (and her mouth), experiment with positions that ratchet up the naughty factor. For instance, I tend to be a sensuous moaner in the more intimate missionary position — but bend me over, and I’ll swear like a sailor.

Also, try warming her up using today’s technology. Get her to email or text you her dirty thoughts, then tell her how much you want to hear her say them aloud.

Kisses,
MM