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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Oral Support

Mistress Maeve,

Hetero guy here with a minor problem. I enjoy giving oral quite a lot, and I’d love to be better at it. My problem is that I have trouble getting feedback from my current girlfriend on the topic; my questions on the finer points seem to hit a brick wall with her. I do the usual “tongue on clit, fingers in vagina” routine, and she says it’s “fine.”

You’d think, for obvious reasons, that she’d have an interest in helping me improve my skills, but she just doesn’t seem to care about it as much as I do. I’m not really sure if the problem is rooted more in sexuality or communication, but I’d be grateful for any advice.


Dear MH,

Have you ever considered that you’re doing just “fine?"

When a partner goes down on me, I don’t need any fancy Cirque du Soleil acrobatics of the tongue. Give me constant pressure on my clit with the tongue, some penetration with the fingers and — voilà! — amazing orgasm every time.

Men (and women, too) can focus too much on the theatrics of sex and lose sight of what’s truly mind-blowing — knowing what your partner needs to bring him or her to orgasm. If your girlfriend is having orgasms and isn’t giving you notes on your performance, perhaps you should take it as a compliment.

Don’t get me wrong: There’s something to be said for switching up your routine. But instead of suggesting an oral lesson to enhance her pleasure, ask her to open up for your sake. Some people respond better when they feel they’re accommodating their partner. If she knew it would turn you on and fulfill your needs, maybe she wouldn’t stop at “fine.”

Orally yours,

P.S. I know some of you will have even more advice for MH (and more room than I had in the paper to respond), so have at it — show me whatcha got. Remember, you can comment anonymously, just skip the email field.

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