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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Spanks in Advance

Dear Mistress,

Recently, my boyfriend has been hinting around about spanking me. I don’t think he means a love tap during sex; I think he wants to do an all-out spanking session.
I have some friends who draw the line at any hitting in the bedroom because it doesn’t jive with their feminist sensibilities. It makes sense to me — if sex is supposed to feel good, why would I want to be spanked?

Brand Spanking New

Dear BSN,

You’re right — sex is supposed to feel good. For some people, part of feeling good involves giving or receiving the sensation of a smartly placed smack rippling through the buttock muscles and vibrating down to the sexy bits. More, please!

Spanking can be purely physical — a literal “slap-and-tickle,” where the administrator mixes smacks on the buttocks with tickles and touches to the genitalia. (A note to spankers: Be sure to avoid the lower back that houses the kidneys and other major-organ areas. Also, vary the placement of your smacks — too much of a good thing on the same spot can turn spanking from erotic to uncomfortable.)

Spanking can also be more of a submissive act, often accompanied by role-play. For adults who were punitively spanked as children, being bent over and walloped during a role-play can be emotionally unpleasant — even under the most safe, sane and consensual circumstances.
Your friends make a good point — with so many victims of domestic violence in our country, women often feel guilty or weird about desiring their partners to “hit” them. But there’s a big difference between consensual erotic spanking between adults and abuse.

For me, sex is much more satisfying when I check the politics at the bedroom door. Speak frankly with your partner about his spanking desires. If his fantasy lights your fire, I suggest you bend over and warm your buns. Remember, you’re indulging his fantasy, but you still get to call the shots. Start with a light spanking session and see where things go — he’s trying to get you a nice shade of rosy pink, not black and blue. Choose a safe word before you begin your first spanking session. If you feel uncomfortable, use your safe word — all play should stop, no exceptions or guilt trips.

If spanking isn’t your thing, simply tell him it’s not a fantasy you can get “behind.”

Bottoms Up,

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