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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Captive Audience

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My boyfriend of a year and a half has always been forthcoming about his interest in getting tied up during sex. I'm open to the idea, but I'm just curious: Why do people want to get tied up? It seems counterintuitive to me. I mean, don't you want to be able to move and touch and feel during sex? When I ask him, he just says, "It's hot." Yeah, I get that, but there has to be more to it, right?

I have the bedposts and the silk scarves. I just need the reasons why.

Knotty Girl

Dear Knotty,

Let me ask you this: Why do people ride rollercoasters? Because it's a way to feel out of control and exhilarated in a (relatively) safe environment. Of course, comparing rollercoasters to bondage is far too simplistic, but it's a good place to start.

Your beau could simply want to try something new, or he could have deeper motivations. Some people find intense freedom through relinquishing control in the bedroom — being "forced" into enjoying sexual acts can release all kinds of pent-up emotion. Ultimately, you need to talk with your boyfriend and let him know that you're happy to sling him up, but you'd get more enjoyment from the experience if he shared more of his feelings with you.

Knotty, I commend you on your willingness to explore your partner's desires and your eagerness to learn what lies beneath his craving for captivity. Who knows: With a little experience, you might enjoy keeping your man fit to be tied.

Just remember, don't tie his limbs too tightly, and always check to see that his extremities aren't numb or tingly — you don't want poor circulation binding you up.

Captivatingly yours,

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