Alone, Together

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, and I think our sex life is good. We have sex two to three times per week, but I also know he masturbates on days we don't have sex.

I've tried to get him to masturbate in front of me, encouraging him by saying I would also touch myself. He's never flat out refused, but we've never done it. How can I get both of us masturbating together?

Signed,
Timid Toucher

Dear T.T.,

It's healthy for your boyfriend to masturbate independently of you. Contrary to what you may think, you don't need to be present every time he spills his seed.

People have a tendency to view self-pleasure as a substitute for the "real thing" — and surely, sometimes it is. However, in my world, masturbation is an integral part of an overall healthy sex life. If you're still being intimate on a regular basis, I wouldn't worry about his solo missions. In fact, you might consider more often going to the dance unchaperoned, too — if you know what I'm saying.

That said, mutual masturbation can be fun, and I encourage you to try it. The next time the two of you are feeling amorous, reach down and start touching yourself. (I don't know many guys who will balk at this move.) After he's sufficiently turned on by your solo ministrations, take his hands and place them on his wand. He should get the hint, but if not — be ready to whisper something naughty to him about wanting to watch him perform.

If he's shy, you may be doing most of the performing, but have fun with it. Put on a good one-woman show, and you two will be performing as a duet in no time.

One-handed wave,
MM