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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Now Hear This

OK, Mistress Maeve:

I am asking for your help. PLEASE give some help to those clueless men out there who aren't familiar with first kiss etiquette.
   
The first kiss should NOT involve saliva of any kind. NO open lips. NO open mouth and definitely NO tongue. Gross!!!

If you are at the end of a first date and get beyond the cheek (on the face), the first foray into the region should be a CLOSED-lip, nay an almost pursed-lipped, step above a peck. If that isn't rejected, then and ONLY then should the lips be moved during the kiss. THEN, if you are REALLY lucky, you might venture into the slightly open-lipped territory.
   
Tongue should NOT be introduced until AFTER the open lips have been accepted.
   
When I pull away from a first kiss at the end of the first date, I do NOT want my lips to get cold from the evaporation of your gross spit.
   
That is about all I have to say about that. In short, no open and/or wet lips on the first kiss, please. I would have thought it was common knowledge. I have learned, sadly — and disgustedly — that it is not.

Signed,
Kissed by a St. Bernard

Dear Readers:

Yes. What she said.

Relationship-appropriate kisses,
MM

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