Thirsty

Hello Mistress Maeve,

I only enjoy the taste of wine on my lover's lips (she has lovely lips). I was wondering if any harm would come from me tasting wine from her vagina? In particular, I'd like to pour it over her and lick it up. Is there anything in the wine that would irritate that sensitive area? Would any wine be safer than another?

Thank you for all your advice,
Wine Connoisseur

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Dear W.C.,

I drink to you, Wine Connoisseur, for thinking outside the box of wine. Mixing two things you love, such as wine and sex, can make for a fine blend of flavors.

That said, you do want to drink responsibly. Some people are allergic to the sulfites in vino, so you'll want to be sure your muse can imbibe it safely before pouring it all over her Napa Valley. You'll also want to be on the look-out for wines that include eggs, milk protein and fish membrane — common allergens.

My friends at Planned Parenthood of Northern New England warn that even a woman who is not allergic to drinking wine may still find its ingredients irritate the sensitive skin of the vulva. Also, PPNNE suggests not putting the wine directly into the vagina, as yeast would probably love the high sugar content of some wines — and nothing puts a cork in your sex life like a raging yeast infection.

In all likelihood, if your lady can drink the fruit of the vine, she can handle having it poured over her nether regions. However, if she has extra-sensitive skin, you might devise other ways to drink her in. Wine and other liquids are delicious when tasted from nipples, fingers, toes and cheeks.

Cheers,
MM