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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Aimlessly Searching

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I've been having sex with my new boyfriend for about a month. My question is this: Why is it so difficult for him to aim his penis into my vagina? Seriously, he can never find the bull's-eye. I always have to smile, tell him it's OK, and guide him inside me. The sex is OK, but when he can't even find my vagina, I get worried for our sexual future.

Also, he has trouble keeping his penis inside me; it falls out after just a few thrusts, and that's my cue to line him up again. I'm frustrated and annoyed by his poor aim. Help?

Reluctant Archer


Dear R.A.,

If you haven't already noticed, sex is rarely the ideal fantasy where everything goes according to plan. Bottles of lube get knocked over, dogs jump on the bed, and penises slip out — and it's all part of the fun.

It sounds like your guy may be wound a little too tightly in bed. Nervousness and performance anxiety can cause poor aim and the type of discombobulated sex that leads to his penis’ slipping out of your va-jay-jay. The next time it happens, rather than doing the work for him (and silently cursing him), encourage him to take a deep breath, relax, and guide his member back into you. Give him some verbal directions and help guide him back with your hips. Remind him that you're not in a hurry, and let him know that you want him to learn how your body works. This exercise will bring you closer, and hopefully create a more intimate, satisfying experience for you both.

As for the chronic slippage, he is most likely pulling out too far while thrusting. Suggest that he do more shallow pumping, and try positions where he has a good view of the action — if he can't detect how far to pull back by sensation alone, a visual lesson will help. And, remember, if you're feeling frustrated, you can always climb on top and take control of the situation.

Aiming high,

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