Kitchen Confidential

Dear Mistress Maeve,

We're a heterosexual couple that is really into cooking and finds good food to be a big turn-on. Whenever we cook a meal together, we always flirt and have fun — especially when the extra-virgin olive oil makes an appearance. Something about that slick, viscous goodness pouring from the phallic bottle into the hot pan just gets our juices flowing. We've playfully rubbed it on one another in the kitchen, tasted it off each other's fingers. (It does give a delightful burning in the back of the throat reminiscent of other, more sexual, throat encounters.)

So, wise Mistress, we want to know: Is it safe to realize our fantasy and use our beloved olive oil as a sexual lubricant?

Signed,
Popeye and Olive Oyl

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Dear Popeye and Olive Oyl,

Sounds like you two have a very flavorful relationship! Kudos to you for cooking up new recipes in the bedroom, rather than serving lukewarm leftovers.

Unless you're the only cooks in your kitchen — meaning you're monogamous — I'm going to assume you're using condoms. Like oil and water, oil and latex condoms don't mix. Oil can degrade latex, rendering the condom unable to protect you against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. If you are using condoms but insist on alternative lubes, try a polyurethane condom — effective and oil friendly.

A host of online resources say it's OK to experiment with olive oil in the bedroom. However, have you ever heard the saying "Some fantasies are better left fantasies"? Olive oil can cause irritating allergic reactions and uncomfortable clogged glands and follicles — totally unappetizing. Perhaps you should continue lubing your food with olive oil, but stick with water-based lubricants for your most delicious parts.

Hot and slippery,
MM