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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

That's what friends are for?

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My friend of over 10 years recently broke up with her boyfriend and has started sleeping with — and possibly dating — a guy I cannot stand!

I know I should be supportive of her choices, because they are her choices, but I’m super unimpressed with this guy and her recent actions. I want to be OK with her new relationship, but I'm just not sure I can! I'm also not convinced her new relationship is going to last, so why should I invest my time and energy into getting to know him better? Please tell me what I should do, because I don't want to lose my friend.

Fumbling Through Friendship


Dear F.T.F.,

Most of us have watched friends date unsavory characters, and it's difficult to know whether we should speak up or let them make — and learn from — their own mistakes.

You don't explain why you dislike her new beau. But, barring any outstanding warrants or unwitting wives in multiple states, it's probably not worth giving your friend a laundry list of his flaws — she might resent you for it. If their relationship progresses and you still can't find any redeeming qualities in him, you'll have to set some healthy boundaries for yourself. Tell her that you don't have much in common with him and would prefer to hang out with her one on one. If she questions you, be cautious — don't verbally castrate the guy. Simply explain that you want to support her and her relationships, but you don't have to be best friends with him to remain best friends with her.

Friends first,

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