Good in bed?

"You're so good in bed."

Has anyone ever said that to you? Or have you ever told your friends about your latest partner who is "so good in bed"? It's a phrase that's always bothered me, not because I don't like giving and receiving compliments, but because it makes no sense. One person, alone, cannot be good in bed — it's all about the chemistry between partners. If you like long, sensual, romantic interludes and I like short, fast, dirty fucking — we're not going to be "good" in bed together. But, you know what they say — one lover's trash is another lover's treasure. Or, something like that.

Blogger Greta Christina delves into the "good in bed" phrase and all its inherent problems in a recent blog for Blowfish. She reiterates many of my own thoughts, but she also points out that saying someone is "good (or bad) in bed" creates a power dynamic where we should be considering each other equal parters. She says:

"It implies that being good in bed is a quality that one person has, instead of a quality that two (or more) people have together. It implies that sex is about the power one person has over another, instead of the power two (or more) people can create for themselves and each other."

If you have time, catch Greta Christina's full blog here (warning: Blowfish is a sex toy site — might not be appropriate for the workplace).