Survey Shock

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I was absolutely appalled to learn from the Seven Days Sex Survey that at least one in every three women believes that penis size is important. I have a small penis and have been concerned about it most of my life. Thankfully I'm now in a relationship with a woman who doesn't care about such things — because if I were single and dating, I'd be panicked.

To know that we are being judged, and possibly rejected, for something we don't have any control over is really difficult to bear. When I was growing up, women were upset by men making fun of small breasts. Do two wrongs make a right?

Unless you're a man with a small penis, you couldn't possibly know how this feels — it's horrible, embarrassing, painful and scary. So, to the one-third of you women out there who think it's fun to judge penis size: You're hurting people.

Signed,
Distressed

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Dear Distressed,

First of all, while the Seven Days Sex Survey is sultry, it's certainly not scientific — so take it with a grain of salt.

You also have to consider how the question was phrased. Seven Days asked whether penis size is a factor in sexual satisfaction. Anything can be a "factor" in love making, from kissing style to body hair — but these things generally aren't deal breakers in romance or in overall erotic satisfaction.

Sure, some women are "size queens" and won't be satisfied without a monster penis — just as some men are only satisfied with a set of double Ds. Just remember, the vast majority of fish in the sea agree: It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean. If you listen to your partner and give her what she wants, you're likely to create a tsunami of pleasure, small craft or not.

Sizably,
MM