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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Sexy Scenes

Dear Mistress Maeve,

Last month, my wife and I had some of the best sex we'd ever had after watching 9 1/2 Weeks with Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger. I want to keep this streak going! Mistress, can you recommend a few other movie titles that will keep my home theater burning?

Movie Man


Dear Movie Man,

Forget this summer's blockbusters — rent these top five scorching titles and keep your popcorn poppin' at home:

5. A History of Violence (2005)

Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello channel their family's drama into outrageously hot sex on the staircase, leaving Bello's character with some stellar "stair burn." This somewhat violent scene happens shortly after a more innocent romp where Bello dons a high school cheerleading uniform.

4. Coming Home (1978)

Jane Fonda and Jon Voight both won Oscars for their performances in this drama about a married woman who falls for a paraplegic Vietnam vet. When Voight's character cannot perform intercourse, he satisfies Fonda's character orally — a very steamy and emotionally convincing scene.

3. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
I don't care which orientation you are — watching Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal play cowboys who confess their love and lust for each other is damn sexy. When they finally give in, Jack (Gyllenhaal) makes a pass at Ennis (Ledger) while the two are huddled together in a tent for warmth. Ennis' initial anger quickly turns into powerful, urgent love-making.

2. In the Cut (2003)
While I'm pretty sure this sexually charged thriller didn't win any Oscars, Meg Ryan and Mark Ruffalo steam up the screen. If you're looking to introduce dirty talk into your bedroom repertoire, you won't want to miss their naughty phone sex. Let's just say Ruffalo can call me anytime.

1. Secretary (2002)
Another Gyllenhaal tops my list with this quirky film about a woman (Maggie Gyllenhaal) who takes a job as a secretary for a hard-to-please lawyer (James Spader). Eventually, Spader's character gives in to his innermost sadomasochistic desires, and an all-too-eager Gyllenhaal is happy to bend over and oblige.
It was truly difficult to pick just five! Deserving honorable mentions are Shortbus, Bound, Wild Things and Basic Instinct (not for the infamous Sharon Stone crotch shot, but for the yummy scene between Michael Douglas and Jeanne Tripplehorn).

Happy viewing,

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Dear Mistress Maeve,

I'm a fortysomething woman, fresh from a divorce. I'm trying to be smart, taking things slowly, not dating yet (but doing my fair share of flirting). Which leads me to my question. I feel good about my decision not to date right away, but I still have needs. A girlfriend at work suggested that I buy a vibrator. I laughed it off, but I can't stop thinking about it. I've been doing some browsing online, and I'm overwhelmed by the options. Can you make any suggestions?



Dear Curious,

You've come to the right place. If it shakes, shimmies, rotates and does the dishes afterward, I've tried it. With so many styles available, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, but remember: Experimenting is fun!
First, determine whether you want a vibrator that can insert for vaginal stimulation, or would prefer more clitoral action. Some toys offer both, but I suggest starting with a more basic model. If you'd prefer an insertable, what size? With vibes as small as your pinkie finger or as big as your forearm, you'll need to decide whether or not you're a size queen. For your first toy, I suggest going middle of the road — you can always trade up or down later.

If you're more interested in external stimulation, you'll still need to think about size. Do you want something compact that fits in your pocket, or something more like the Hitachi Magic Wand that plugs into the wall?

Next, browse online at reputable sites such as or You'll be able to read helpful user reviews and, in some cases, view informative videos. (Don't get too excited — the people demonstrating the toys are fully clothed.)

As with most things, it's the journey that counts, not the destination. Pick one or two different toys and enjoy testing them! You'll go from curious to connoisseur in no time.



Friday, May 15, 2009

Sexy Signs of Summer

Ah, summer — undoubtedly the sexiest time of year. Aside from the obvious fact that people are wearing less clothing, I have some other sexy signs of summer to share with you:

1. The smell of suntan lotion

Protecting your skin from the sun's harmful rays is smart, but that coconut-like smell is also sexy! It's all over the place when you go to the beach, but I love it when someone walks by you in a store or shows up to a meeting with the faint smell of "I've been basking my hot body in the sun" all over them. Meow.

2. Motorcycles

Does this one really need any explaining? Men and women who put an engine between their thighs are HOT.

3. Pedicured toes

I've never been much of a foot fetishist, but I do appreciate a cute sandal or peep-toe shoe with a brightly-painted pedicure. And, a note for the guys: Man sandals (or, "mandals") can work for you — but, please, take care of your toe nails. Nothing will get you kicked out of my bed faster than a snaggle-toe.

4. Armpits

A hint of body odor can be sexy (notice I say, "a hint" — I'm not interested in taking a whiff after you've returned from 4 days with Phish at Red Rocks this summer). In the summertime, bodies have this healthy glisten of sweat, and it reminds me of the post-sex glow.

5. Camping

Leaving behind the computer, cell phone and stress of everyday life allows us to get back to raw basics and human instincts. Doing it under the stars, like the animals we are, is so sexy. Just watch out for the poison ivy...

What about you? What are your sexy signs of summer?


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Take Note

Dear Mistress Maeve,

Last night I went for a beer with a young lady from my weekly singing class. She seems pretty cool, and she dropped some hints that she might like to hang out again. (She said she was "ready for a relationship" and that she was new to town and looking for friends.) The problem is, I only see her once a week, and I failed to get her phone number! I know where she works ('cause she told me, down to the street name), but I'd feel a little weird looking up the number, calling and being like, "Um, hi, this is the guy from singing class."

My thoughts on the matter are, on the one hand, I should just call her and see what happens — because, really, what have I got to lose? But on the other hand, if I call and it freaks her out, my impatience will ruin what might be a nice little thing if I can only wait a week and see her again.

The Soloist


Dear Soloist,

If you're looking to adapt your solo number into a duet, wait until your next class to ask her out. If you track her down like some desperate conductor without a chorus, not only do you run the risk of blowing your chances with her, but you could also make her feel uncomfortable in class — and that's unfair to her.

Let's put this into perspective: You had a great time with a charming chanteuse who hinted that she'd like to see you again. You hit a flat note by not getting her digits, but you have a chance to redeem yourself next week. Approach her after class and see if she'd like to grab another beer. If all goes well, ask her for her phone number so you can invite her for a proper date.

And, whatever you do, please don't mention "making beautiful music together" — leave the puns to the professionals.

Hitting a high note,

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

About Face

Dear MM,

This past weekend I met a guy out at a bar, and he asked me for my number. I liked him enough, so I gave him the digits. It’s been a few days and no call, but I just logged into my Facebook account, and what do I find? A friend request from bar guy. WTF?

I’m not one of these social networking freaks who needs to have 500 random “friends” looking at pictures of my daughter and family, not to mention the email addresses and work information I have on Facebook — it’s pretty personal stuff.

I do want to go out with him, but isn’t he jumping the gun? Dating is fun because you find things out about a person at a reasonable pace — not in one click. Isn't he putting the “friend request” before the “friendship"?

Face Off


Dear Face Off,

It drives me crazy when people commit acts of poor communication etiquette. It's really very simple — if a girl gives you her email address, email her. If she gives you her phone number, call her. If she says, "Look me up on Facebook," send her a friend request. How difficult is that?

However, just because he committed a dating faux pas doesn't mean he's a bad guy. This guy is excited to get to know you better and, like millions of people, thinks Facebook is a socially acceptable route to friendship. If you like him, accept his friend request. Once you've accepted him, you can go into your privacy settings and give him "limited access" to your profile — this will allow you to dictate the parts of it he gets to view.

One last thing: If you don't like the idea of people having access to your family photos, work information and email addresses, DON'T POST THEM ONLINE. Being able to accept or deny friend requests gives us a false sense of security. But if it's online, it's findable.


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