Too Much Of A Good Thing

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I have the most annoying problem. If I have "too much" sex, I get a whopping yeast infection. Last weekend, my boyfriend and I had sex on Friday and again on Saturday, and I ended up with a yeast infection. Now I have to go through a week's worth of inserting cream-based medication into my itchy and uncomfortable vagina. It's a bummer for my boyfriend and me; it pretty much kills our sex life. How do I prevent this from happening? Is there anything I can do to speed up the recovery process? I've heard women say that a clove of garlic in the vagina clears up the infection. Does that really work?

Signed,
Too Much of a Good Thing

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Dear T.M.O.A.G.T.,

Yeast infections occur when the good bacteria in your vagina are knocked out of balance for any number of reasons, which could include taking bacteria-killing antibiotics and wearing tight spandex pants. Unfortunately, having "too much" sex can also upset your vagina's delicate balance. 

Talk to your physician about your persistent issues to be sure you're really dealing with yeast and not another form of infection. Your doctor may be able to prescribe you a one-dose medication in pill form to get you away from those messy creams. Also, he or she may suggest some helpful tips for keeping yeast at bay — such as taking an acidophilus supplement, wearing cotton panties or eating yogurt. As for the garlic, it's an old wives' tale that some women swear by for clearing up yeast. However, we're trying to make a healthy vagina here, not a lasagna, so talk to your doctor.

And remember, it is possible for you and your partner to pass yeast back and forth, so lay off the sex until you've completed treatment. Or, if you just can't keep your hands off each other, at least use condoms and dental dams.

Yours in yeast,
MM

Mile-high?

Always wanted to join the mile-high club but too afraid of being caught by the flight attendant? Now you can check into a swanky airplane hotel for some hanky-panky -- without leaving the ground.

According to the UK's Daily Mail, the Honecker Hotel — a 5-star hotel parked at Teuge Airport in Holland — was built inside of a vintage four-engine airplane and has all the amenities, including whirlpool, sauna and wifi. Sure beats doing it in a small, stinky bathroom while fighting turbulence. (Although, that's pretty fun, too.)

Ex Hex

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My new boyfriend's brother and his wife are having their first baby, and they're hosting a "Jack and Jill" shower (meaning both men and women are invited to celebrate the pregnancy). Here's the catch — the brother's wife is still close with my boyfriend's ex, and she's also invited to the shower. They were together for five years and practically married. The biggest issue is that the ex is still not quite over the break-up. She still texts and emails my boyfriend, talking about getting back together. It's assumed that I will attend the shower, but I'm worried I'll be the odd man out because she's been around this group of people five years longer than I have. What do you think?

Signed,
Wall Flower at the Shower

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Dear W. F. a. t. S.,

First things first — it's time for your beau to set some strong boundaries with his ex. If he hasn't already, he needs to tell her that he's happy in a new relationship, there's no chance of getting back together, and she needs to stop contacting him until she's over it — plain and simple.

Go to the shower, eat hors d'oeuvres and play those asinine baby games — all with a pleasant smile on your face. She is his past; you are his future — and the sooner everyone sees that, the better. It may be awkward for you (and everyone else), but you're risking further alienation by not attending this important family event.

Tell your boyfriend ahead of time how you're feeling and ask him to be especially attentive to your needs at the shower. Mentally prepare yourself to be calm, cool and collected — and don't be afraid to excuse yourself from shower festivities to take a break if you need to.

Oh, and be sure to bring a better gift than her.

Kisses,
MM

Let's Roll

Juilette Lewis as a roller girl? Um... YES, PLEASE!

Drew Barrymore (another favorite of mine) makes her directorial debut with Whip It -- a coming-of-age story framed by the empowering world of roller derby. The film star's Ellen Paige (Juno) and also puts Saturday Night Live's Kristin Wiig and recording artist Eve on skates. But, the highlight is, of course, Juliette Lewis. We haven't seen Lewis on the silver screen since 2006, and leave it to her to return as a bad-ass roller babe.

Here's the trailer. I wonder if we could get all the stars to come here for an exhibition bout with our own Green Mountain Derby Dames? Hot.

Slip-n-Slide

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My doctor just put me on medication for an ongoing medical condition, and it seems to be working great. The only problem is, one of the side effects is vaginal dryness. I've had sex with my boyfriend a few times since going on the meds. We still use condoms, and at first it seemed like the lubricant on the condom was enough, but it disappeared after a while, making it uncomfortable, difficult and somewhat embarrassing for me to keep going.

I think the next logical step is trying a personal lubricant, but there are so many to choose from. I'm hoping you can give some recommendations?

Thanks,
High and Dry

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Dear High and Dry,

First and foremost, forget about being embarrassed. Vaginal dryness is a common problem that can be caused by certain medications or by fluctuating hormones due to childbirth or menopause. Luckily, personal lubricants are easier than ever to obtain, with most drugstores carrying a host of brands. Plus, introducing lube into your love making doesn't have to be clinical; it can be fun — the slipperier, the better!

Lubes fall into three categories: water-based, silicone-based and oil-based. For your first trek down the slip-’n’-slide, try a water-based lube that does not contain glycerin or sugars. (Flavored lubes are fun, but often contain these yeast-inducing ingredients.) Water-based lubes will not break down the latex in condoms, and they're easy to clean up with simple soap and water. 

Silicone lubricants work with contraceptives and are longer lasting, but can stain sheets and other fabrics. Also, using silicone-based lube with silicone sex toys will cause the material to degrade. Oil-based lubes are great but shouldn't be used with contraceptives, as they will break down the latex and render them less effective — and they tend to be more irritating to the female anatomy.

Above all, have fun trying lube! Experiment with a few different kinds, and eventually you'll find the formula that's right for you.

Slippery when wet,
MM

No muss, no fuss

Dear MM:
 
My friend browses Internet porn, and he recently commented on the amount of anal sex online. He says things (including dicks, of course) inserted anally always come out sparkling clean! Do they use enemas or something before turning the camera on? He’s just curious and said you would know . . .

Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

Well, I'm so glad your friend thinks I'm the authority on enemas — that's a compliment.

While I can't say for sure whether or not the adult actors in question used enemas, it's a pretty good bet. To get ready for those intimate close-up shots, some actors will use an enema of lukewarm water beforehand (as opposed to that chemical stuff they package with one-time use enemas — if used too much, those chemicals can cause damage to the system).

For us regular folk, enemas are a bit extreme. I mean, come on, it's anal sex — you can't expect a squeaky clean ass every time. If you can't get over your fear of shit, you probably shouldn't be using the backdoor entrance, know what I'm saying?

As long as the receiver has a bowel movement and takes care to clean the area with soap and water beforehand (even gently inserting a soapy finger inside), you're pretty much in the clear. The giver should wear a condom with an ample amount of water-based lube — it will make insertion easier and keep things tidier (not to mention safer). Also, keep box of baby wipes nearby for those unforeseen messes — they come in handy for all sorts of things.

Happy Friday,
MM 

Ring Toss

Dear MM:

I am a divorced middle-aged woman who is happily involved with a passionate man. He has been separated from his second wife for well over a year, and the divorce settlement is almost complete. She has relocated out of state and he resides in Vermont. We have been together for more than six months.

I am writing to you because I am troubled that he still wears a wedding ring. I have mentioned it to him on many occasions, and he says he will remove it but never does. I know he is over the relationship and is very happy with me, but I still feel a bit like I am "on the side." I have my own thoughts but want to hear your take on the situation. He says he wears it as a reminder of his failure — I don't buy it.

Signed,
Symbolic

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Dear Symbolic,

Usually women write me about men who have trouble keeping their rings on, not men who refuse to take them off. One thing's for sure — something's amiss, and I don't like it.

You have either a guy who isn't ready to move on from his marriage, or — worst-case scenario — one who’s still married. Not to be overly pessimistic, but have you seen the divorce papers? Have you met this supposed ex? Are you sure you’re not getting played?

Or let's say he's telling the truth about wearing the ring as a reminder of his failure. That's a major red flag that he has some serious guilt issues to work through before jumping into a long-term romance with you.

He might not be married any longer, but as long as he's wearing that ring, he's not emotionally divorced. The bottom line is that until he takes that ring off, he's not ready to give you the kind of relationship you're looking for.

Dead ringer,
MM

Fore Sure

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I am a 23-year-old graduate student with what I consider to be an interesting personality, a bright future, and above-average looks.

I got out of a three-year relationship about a year ago and have been trying to get back into the game, but things are slow going. The problem is, whenever I try to get intimate with a girl, she immediately loses interest when she discovers that I'm uncircumcised. This has happened with three consecutive girls now. I practice very good hygiene, and it's not like I'm Ron Jeremy or anything, but I've looked around the locker room, and I'm not small by any means. Am I just on a streak of bad luck, or am I really destined to forever struggle with women due to my "birth defect"?

Signed,
Uncut and Unhappy

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Dear Uncut,

Either you are dating the most shallow, narrow-minded women on Earth — or you're making it all up in your head (so to speak). Do these women actually tell you they're anti-foreskin, or are you assuming your uncircumcised penis turns them off? Because I don't know any women who have run screaming from a bed just because of an extra piece of penis skin. In fact, I know quite a few who prefer an au naturel member.

Functionally, there is no difference between cut and uncut penises, except that men with a foreskin have to be sure to clean well underneath it — no big deal. And, let's be honest — women have way more nooks and crannies to keep clean than men with uncircumcised shlongs do.

Don't blame these dating disasters on your foreskin. Sex is all about chemistry — something that was clearly lacking with the last three women you dated. When you find the right person, you'll quickly see that your worries about being uncircumcised are unfounded and unimportant.

For foreskin,
MM