Did that really count?

Earlier this summer I read a list of "Seven Sexual Partners That Don't (Have To) Count," prepared by Amelia McDonell-Parry over at The Frisky. Most people keep a list of their sexual partners. McDonell-Parry contends that, when tallying up those partners, some of them just don't have to count.

For a moment, let's put aside the obvious problem with this concept — that we should want to decrease numbers whenever possible so as not to appear like sluts, when we should really be embracing our sexual histories — and examine some of her arguments. I agree with some of her items. For instance, if "you’re less than 51 percent sure that penetration actually occurred," I think you have a pretty good case for not counting that encounter. And, of course, if sex occurred without consent, you're not obligated to put that on the list.

However, McDonell-Parry also says partners shouldn't have to count if "you can't remember it" or if you "really, really, really regret it." C'mon — you can't un-ring a bell. Why the shame? You made a decision to have naked time with this person — regardless of whether or not you can remember his/her name — so embrace it.

She also sites that if "it lasted less than 10 seconds and no one finished" or if you or your partner had "a bad case of whiskey dick," it doesn't count. In other words, if you or your partner can't keep it up or decides not to finish, it doesn't count. I don't know — like I was taught in catechism class, "If it's in, it's sin."

Finally, McDonell-Parry asserts that even if one has sex in Vegas — it still counts. Agreed.

Like I said, I have some problems with this concept in general. For starters, this is a rather heterosexist commentary on the definition of sex — how do women who have sex with women count the notches on their bedposts? Secondly, what's the big deal with numbers? As long as you're safe, who cares how many partners you've had? However, I did think it was an interesting way to examine "the list." Do you have partners you don't count? If so, why not?

MM