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Seven Days Blogs: Mistress Maeve

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Bro No

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I've been single for a while, and I'm looking to get back into the dating game. I recently was introduced to the older sister of a close friend of mine, and we hit it off. About a week ago I had a party at my house, which both my friend and his sis attended. I found out from my friend at the party, in some vague terms, that his sister had some interest in me. He also, while hammered drunk, gave me his "full blessing" to "hit on [his] sister".

However, I worry about whether he actually feels comfortable about it. He's the kind of guy who is more apt to put on a brave face than speak out about something that bothers him. On top of that, his sister is coming off a serious relationship, and I don't know her thoughts on dating again. Personally, I'm not expecting anything serious, and it makes me worry that if I do opt to pursue the sister and it doesn't work out, things will become awkward between the three of us. Do I take a shot with the sis, or play it safe with my buddy?


Bro Code in Boston


Dear Bro Code,

Forget it. If you're "not expecting anything serious," don't even go there. The Bro Code — a set of laws dictating how dudes interact — prohibits you from pursuing a relationship with your buddy's sister unless you are ready to make her your bride. Given your lukewarm feelings and her fresh-out-of-a-relationship status, you are better off hosting your pants-off dance-off with someone else.

However, if your feelings for her grow, there is hope. Have a talk with your friend. Let him know that, while you appreciate his drunken blessings, you'd prefer his sober reassurance. If you date her, you must be the consummate gentleman — you'll have little room for error in this relationship and a high price to pay if you screw it up. Be sure you care enough about this girl to risk your friendship with your buddy — because that's exactly what's at stake.

Brotherly love,


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Back to School Stall Out

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I met a guy at a party at the end of last semester, but nothing major happened, so when summer started, I put him out of my mind. Then he wished me a happy birthday over — you guessed it — Facebook. We started cyber-chatting, culminating in him giving me his number, telling me to text him some time. Well, I did text him, and he suggested we get together — and we haven't yet. We've made tentative plans a couple of times, but we never actually end up hanging out. Now that school's back in session, we talk when we run into each other in the halls, but nothing formal seems to be in the stars.

I just would like to know what is going on in this guy's head. Your thoughts, MM?


Confused in Guyville


Dear Confused,

Returning to campus is exciting and overwhelming, and your guy clearly has a case of stimulation overload. With so many parties, people and possibilities, it's no big surprise that he's hesitant to start something as soon as the first bell rings. His need to be a free agent is obviously outweighing his attraction to you, so give him what he's asking for — let him be.

I'm not suggesting you turn into a mega-bitch every time you see him, but stop worrying about what's going on in his head and focus on the one person who truly matters: you. The sooner he sees that you're an independent woman who doesn't need his half-hearted invitations to hang out, the sooner he'll make a date with you and stick to it. If he doesn't figure it out, he'll be the one wearing the dunce cap — not you.

Oh, and one more thing for the dudes: At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, please stop giving us your numbers and telling us to "text you." Grow some balls, ask for our numbers — then call.

You've been schooled,


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Gaydar Malfunctions

Dear Mistress Maeve,

As you and your readers know, our planet is comprised of gay people, straight people and lots of people somewhere in between. As a gay man with a normal (or slightly elevated) sex drive, I often see guys to whom I am attracted — but without a nametag that reads, "Hi. I'm gay," I have no idea who falls into the category of my liking. Every time I see someone of interest, my confidence level flatlines, and I end up not approaching him. What's a guy to do when he spots someone who makes his engine roar?


Cyclically Excited and Frustrated



Dear Cyclically,

Flirting is a game of risk and chance — you have to be willing to experience rejection in the pursuit of scoring a date with a hottie who catches your eye. For gay men, flirting can be a still riskier business. Even now, with marriage equality enshrined in state law, violence against gay people remains a real threat, and you don't want to incite the rage of a gay-bashing idiot by asking him for his phone number.

That said, if you see a guy who "makes your engine roar" at the grocery store, there's no harm in asking him to help you select a ripe avocado. If you end up exchanging guacamole recipes, it's a pretty safe bet that you can also exchange email addresses. If he's not interested, he'll move on to the next aisle.

If you don't trust your gaydar in mixed company, volunteer for your favorite queer organization or attend art shows and performances featuring gay artists — you're sure to find a few flirting prospects in these places. You can also sign up for online dating — it's pretty tough to get your wires crossed when sexual orientation is printed clearly on the screen.

Happy flirting,




Monday, September 07, 2009

From Politics to Playgirl

According to, Levi Johnston (Sarah Pallin's former future son-in-law and Bristol Pallin's baby daddy) is in final negotiations to pose for Playgirl. Speculation about the photo shoot began after Vanity Fair released this promo video for its upcoming October issue featuring the Alaskan lad. At the end of the video, Johnston is heard discussing the Playgirl photo shoot with his manager, Tank Jones. (I can't believe this guy has a manager.)

In the video, Jones warns Johnston that he "can't come in there lacking in the johnson area." As it turns out, Gawker is reporting that Johnston will not be fully nude for the shoot — I guess not all Alaskan men are hung like moose. Bummer.

From the video, two things are evident: Firstly, Johnston and Jones do not know that Playgirl is no longer a printed publication (it's online only). Secondly, they clearly don't realize that only gay men look at Playgirl.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Touchy Subject

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I started seeing a guy a month ago, and I think the relationship has potential. We've had sex a few times now, and I have no complaints about the actual intercourse — he's energetic, long lasting and skilled. However, I've noticed something that's perplexing me. Aside from the intercourse, he doesn't touch me "down there." We do foreplay, but it's mostly about him. Luckily, I have no problem climaxing from intercourse, but I don't understand why he doesn't want to explore my body more.

 Like I said, we've only had sex a few times, and I keep thinking maybe he'll become more hands-on as we get comfortable with one another, but what if he doesn't? I'm hesitant to say anything because I also don't want him to touch me out of obligation. Your thoughts, Mistress?


Touchy Subject


Dear Touchy,

You're right — the more sex you have with your partner, the better you'll understand how to pleasure each other. Be that as it may, you shouldn't wait around hoping he'll magically figure out what makes you tick — it's time to communicate.

Sure, it's possible that your guy is selfish and only cares about his own needs; however, it's far more likely that he wants to satisfy you and simply doesn't know how. Let's face it: The female form is complicated, and it can intimidate some men — especially if he's never had a communicative female partner.

The next time you're in bed, seductively tell him what you'd like him to do. If you're not a big talker, guide his hands to the right spot and encourage him with verbal and physical cues. If he's worthy of your attention, he'll happily oblige — if he balks, it's time for him to take a walk.



Tuesday, September 01, 2009

I Lovermont

Happy Gay Marriage Day, Vermonters! It was a long time coming, and it's finally here.

The only thing overshadowing our big day was the visit from the Phelps clan of Westboro Baptist Church. They were on hand in Vermont this morning, picketing with their now infamous "God Hates Fags" signs. In true Vermont style, people countered with "Love Your Neighbor" and "Love Is Not A Crime." For full — and delightfully snarky — coverage of today's picketing, check out Lauren Ober's post on Blurt.

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