Just Ducky

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I'm having an issue with my roommate, and I hope you can tell me how to handle it with her. A couple weeks ago, I discovered what I thought was an innocent rubber ducky in our shower. When I picked it up, I noticed a battery panel on the bottom and the words "I Rub My Duckie." I might be a little more conservative than her when it comes to sex, but did she really think I wouldn't know it was a vibrator?!

Some days she leaves it in the shower; other days it disappears. I think it's incredibly disrespectful to leave one's sex toys lying around in shared living space. How would you suggest I take care of this situation? I don't know if I'm more upset that she would leave her toy in the shower, or that she thinks I'm stupid enough not to know what it is.

Thanks,

Just Ducky

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Dear Ducky,

The "I Rub My Duckie" vibrator is one of the most popular waterproof toys on the market, though I don't understand why. With its awkward ducky shape and creepy smiling eyes, I didn't think it was all it was quacked up to be. Plus, it reminds me of Ernie from “Sesame Street” singing, "Rubber ducky, you're the one..." But I digress.

I agree — leaving sex toys in shared living space is unacceptable. The best approach is to be direct and calm. Let her know you like being her roommate, but request that she keep her more intimate items in her own room.

If you're worried she thinks you're a moron when it comes to sex toys, try educating her on vibrator care. Tell her she should take the batteries out of her vibrator between uses unless she wants them to corrode — leaving her precious ducky dead in the water.

Like water off a duck's back,

MM