Straight-O Student

Dear Mistress,

I'm a twentysomething girl, and I've been with my boyfriend for a little less than a year. We're having some difficulties. Mainly, the problem is my inability to orgasm regularly. I really like being with him, and I know it disappoints him not to "please me." I have had orgasms with him, but it has only happened when I've "assisted" him. I guess I don't do it on a regular basis because it makes me feel self-conscious to touch myself in front of him.

He recently suggested that I try masturbating more on my own, thinking it might help me orgasm more with him. I'm upset by his suggestion because I feel like he's giving me homework to do in order to have sex with him. What do you think, MM? Am I overreacting? How do I fix this?

Signed,
Touchy Subject

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Dear Touchy Subject,

I recently had the pleasure of listening to Kelly Arbor, a sex educator from Babeland, give a talk on gender and sexual pleasure. During his talk, he suggested that we must spend time masturbating to learn how our bodies like to be touched. Arbor says expecting our partners to know how to touch us when we don't know how to touch ourselves is "a lot to put on someone." I have to agree.

Your boyfriend has made an excellent suggestion. The more comfortable you are with your body, the better you'll be able to coach him on giving you an orgasm. His "homework" isn't meant to penalize you; it's meant to help you and strengthen your relationship.

The even better news is, you already know how to have an orgasm with him. Touching yourself during sex with a partner is not weird — many people do it, and most partners find it hot to watch.

In the end, it's all about being intimate with your partner and sharing the ultimate of pleasures; exchanging "homework" assignments and discussing your bodies without fear will only create a stronger bond between you. So put on your schoolgirl uniform and crack the books.

Studiously yours,
MM