Waiting Game

Dear Mistress,

I'm a guy. I like sex (perhaps even more than the average guy). So here's my question: While I can't envision being happy in a long-term relationship without a healthy diet of good sex, I've found that leaping into sexual activity too early in a relationship can — if the sex is really good — put one or both people into a state of blissful desire that can make everything seem exceptionally swell, even if other forms of compatibility may be lacking.

At the same time, dating too long without makin' some moves can have its own drawbacks — you might become very fond of someone, only to find out you're not cut out for bliss in bed.

I'm at a point in life where I want a lasting relationship, but I don't want to wait too long to have sex with a potential partner. Where's the happy medium?

Signed,
First Date Mate

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Dear Mate,

While it's important to know whether you're compatible when it comes to communication, values and goals, it's also important to know if you click in the bedroom. Couples "come together" there to reconnect in the most intimate of ways — and the chemistry has to exist.

That said, if you're looking for a lasting relationship, you would be wise to keep it in your pants for at least a few fact-finding dates. (Forget movies or loud bars where you can't get to know each other in a meaningful way.) If you're still craving her after a number of dates, you're cleared to move it to the bedroom — that is, if she's willing to go with you.

And just because you're not having sex doesn't mean you can't discover clues to your potential chemistry. Kissing, if given the chance, is an incredibly erotic and telling way to explore each other intimately without doing the deed. If your tongues are compatible, chances are your naughty bits will be, too.

Patiently,
MM