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Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Unrequited Love

Dear Mistress,

I've been seeing my girlfriend for six months, and I'm really into her. Here's the one problem. She dated a guy prior to me, and because we have so many mutual friends, we see him all over town. The way she tells it, their relationship was casual until she started having real feelings for him. She told him she was falling for him, and he ditched her.

I don't really consider myself a jealous guy, but this situation feels different. They didn't have a relationship that had a beginning, middle and end. If that were the case, I would feel better, like they had some sort of resolution. In this case, she fell in love with him, he rejected her, and then she started going out with me. I can feel the tension when they're in the room together. I don't want to be a jealous prick, but I have a bad feeling about this. How do I resolve this once and for all?

Signed,
Runner Up

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Dear Runner Up,

While unrequited love is a special brand of heartache, it's no more (or less) upsetting than any other type. Your girl may not have had a "beginning, middle and end" with this other guy, but you have to look at the bright side — their relationship never got off the ground.

It sounds like you've discussed her past relationship. But have you expressed your concern that she might still have feelings for him? If you can address the issue calmly and lovingly, ask her about the "tension" you detect when you run into her ex-lover. Let her know that you don't wish to be jealous — you just want to know where you stand.

Remember, she's with you — not him. In the end, you'll have to trust that she's a mature adult, capable of navigating her feelings and making good choices. If you can't find that trust within yourself, your insecurities will be more likely to bring an end to your relationship than her unrequited heart.

Requiting,
MM

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