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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Cheaters Never Prosper

Dear Mistress,

My heart is torn. My ex-girlfriend now lives 1000 miles away, but she is still in love with me, and I love her, too. Our relationship ended in July after she cheated on me in a pretty bad way. However, we've stayed in touch, and she very much wants to get back together with me. She says she's ready to change her ways and promises to be a paragon of virtue. I'm afraid to go there because I got burned last time, and I don't want to ask her to commit because I don't think she can. Also, I've been having fun on the side myself. We're basically in an open relationship at this point, but it's a gray area that I don't enjoy.

Do I hold off until August when we'll be in the same place for a while, or do I jump into a situation that I'm not 100 percent comfortable with? I'm a relationship kind of guy, but this girl is testing my ability to forgive.

Any Middle Ground?


Dear Any Middle Ground,

There's no way around it: Cheating sucks. She betrayed your trust and is now testing your ability to be a forgiving partner by crawling back with promises of change and virtue — pretty rotten, if you ask me. While it's possible for couples to work through infidelity, it takes copious communication, intimacy and dedicated time — things you cannot access with 1000 miles between you. Plus, if your gut is telling you she's still not ready to commit, why would you put yourself in harm's way again?

Take the next six months to focus on yourself, and suggest she do the same. You say you're having fun on the side, and you owe it to yourself to explore new relationships unencumbered by a long-distance cheating ex-lover. If, after you've spent some quality time apart, you're still in love with her, give it a go when you're in the same zip code. Until then, let her be a paragon of virtue for someone else — you've got better things to do.

Paragon of whoop-ass,

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