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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Oral Woes

Dear Mistress,

I've been dating a girl for about two years. She's amazing, and I love her very much. We're both really into sex, but here's my quandary: I rarely get off when she gives me oral. It's not that she's unwilling to try, or that she's a prude; I'm pretty sure she'd do whatever I asked of her. I think the problem is a mental block on my part. My thinking goes: "I'm getting head, and I'm about to get sex! Great!" So I stay the course until we end up having sex. Problem is, the few times we can't have sex, and she wants to get me off from oral, she can't. When she asks me how it feels, I say, "Great!" Let's face it: Oral feels good. There isn't much she could be doing differently, but it's really starting to bother her that she can't get me off when doing oral.

What can I do to get rid of this mental block?



Dear Orgasmorator,

Well-intentioned guys often train themselves to hold back during foreplay to ensure a rousing round of intercourse. However, this type of behavior puts too much focus on the old "in-and-out" and doesn't leave enough room for all the other pleasurable ways to orgasm. Believe it or not, heterosexual sex doesn't always have to climax with intercourse.

Conduct an experiment with your girlfriend. Choose a night when you'll have ample time and make intercourse off limits. If you're accustomed to lying back while your partner gives you oral, try taking a more active role. Some men report that they can't climax unless they're in control of the motion, so try some new positions where you can simulate thrusting (both of you lying on your sides or her lying on her back with you above her). Just remember — this is a two-way experiment. Whatever oral attention she pays you, you'll need to return blow for blow (so to speak).

Getting you off will make your partner feel like an oral aficionado and boost her sexual confidence. However, if oral still doesn't give you the "Big O," don't sweat it. You and your partner have something special — you're both into giving each other pleasure. So who really cares how you get off? 

Blown Away,

P.S. If you haven't already entered for your chance to win a copy of Best Sex Writing 2010, click here to enter. I'm accepting entries through Monday.

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