Toying with Valentine's Day

Dear Mistress,

I need some advice right away. Last weekend, my girlfriend was hosting a get-together for some of her girlfriends. I was in the kitchen getting a snack before returning to my man lair to watch the game, when I overheard them talking about sex toys. A roomful of women talking about sex toys — every guy's wet dream, right? Well, from the tone of my girlfriend's voice, I got the impression that she'd be into having a toy.

I am flabbergasted and don't want to miss out on this opportunity — I just never thought she'd go for something like that. I can't stop thinking about her and a sex toy. Valentine's Day is quickly approaching. Should I buy her something?

Signed,
Dude in Toyland

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Dear Dude in Toyland,

As exciting as it may seem to surprise your lady with a sex toy on Valentine's Day, you're likely to receive a better reaction from her if you discuss it beforehand and make an educated purchase — especially if you're planning to forgo the roses and chocolates.

When the moment's right, talk with her about adding a toy to the mix and observe her response. Keep in mind that she and her girlfriends may have been discussing the use of toys for masturbation, not necessarily using them with significant others. (By the way, either scenario is a win for you — women who masturbate more often have a better sense of how to get off with a partner.) If she's open to the idea, suggest that you browse some toys online together. Sex toys come in all different shapes, sizes and functions, and it's important to know what your girlfriend likes. Does she prefer clitoral or vaginal stimulation? Does she want a high-powered vibrator or a classic insertable with no batteries required? The bonus here is that the mere act of browsing toys online could lead to a hot round of pre-Valentine's Day lovin'.

And, please, don't skimp on your first purchase. You wouldn't buy your girlfriend gas-station roses on Valentine's Day, so don't buy her a cheap toy, either.

Toying with you,
MM