MORE BLOGS: Blurt | Stuck in VT | Solid State

Seven Days Blogs: Mistress Maeve

« Have Vagina, Will Travel | Main | It Bears Repeating »

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Surprise (Third) Party

Dear Mistress Maeve,

Thirty-two-year-old gay male here, and I’ve been with my partner for a little over five years. We’ve occasionally opened our bedroom to third (and sometimes more) parties for extracurricular fun together. I would be happy to have sex with other people on a more regular basis, but my partner has been somewhat resistant to it at times over the years. However, sometimes he’s really into it. Lately, he’s been hinting around about finding a guy on the Internet to screw, so — unbeknownst to him — I went online and scouted out a good candidate. My question is, do you think it’s a good idea to surprise my partner with a hot guy in our apartment when he gets off work one night? He’s been so stressed out lately that I think it could be a welcomed surprise, but something is making me hesitate. In the past, we’ve always talked about it and decided on a guy together.

Third-Party Planner


Dear Planner,

Trust your gut. If something about this idea is giving you pause, best to heed the warning. You say your partner has been resistant to opening your relationship in the past. For that reason alone, you must be certain to give your partner every consideration before planning a three-way.

While sexual surprises sound good in theory, any little thing could throw off your plans. What if you’re misreading your partner’s “hints”? What if he would rather sit on the couch, eat a pint of ice cream and cuddle on the night you plan the big rendezvous? At the very least, ask your partner if he’d be interested in coming home to find a naked dude in your bed. If he gives you the green light, go ahead and plan your date — you can still use elements of surprise.

If you’re interested in increasing the intimacy in your relationship through these “extracurricular activities,” I highly suggest picking partners together. Not only will you be on the same page about date, time and other logistics, but you’ll have a chance to anticipate the encounter together — an intensely erotic and bonding experience.

You have the best of intentions, and it’s admirable that you’re trying to meet your partner’s needs; however, wouldn’t it be far better to communicate with him first so your efforts will be 100 percent effective?

Three’s company,

blog comments powered by Disqus
All Rights Reserved © SEVEN DAYS 1995-2010 | PO Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402-1164 | 802.864.5684