Footsies

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I was in a wedding last month, and all the bridesmaids got pedicures. I don't usually do anything special to my feet, and when I got home, my boyfriend was so turned on by the pink polish on my toes. At first, I was a little embarrassed by how strongly he reacted, and I think he even surprised himself. Not to be too graphic, but the next few times we had sex, he paid a lot of attention to my feet. I didn't find it hot, per se, but I guess I was happy that he was turned on. Now the polish is starting to wear off, and he has asked if he can paint my toes. I want to let him do it, but there's a part of me that wonders if this is just weird. Truth be told, I'm sort of happy to have the extra attention. Is it strange or crazy for a guy to be so into feet?

Signed,
Playing Footsies

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Dear Playing Footsies,

Many of us paint our toenails not because we find our feet attractive but because we think most feet are gross. Between calluses, hammertoes, blisters and bunions, how could anyone find feet sexy, right? Well, they do — by the millions. Footnight.com estimates that a half a million people in the United States have a fetish for feet, and it sounds like your boyfriend is one of them.

Be proud of yourself for not immediately rejecting your beau's request to fawn over your feet. Let's put this in perspective: He's asking to give you a pedicure — not to perform a risky sex act that puts you in harm's way. Plus, it sounds like you're enjoying the added adoration, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Surprise your guy by picking up a few sassy nail polish colors — he'll be thrilled to pick the pigment. If you want to get really fancy, ask him to prepare a foot bath and allow him to wash your feet before the painting begins. Of course, you'll want to have your sexiest peep-toe shoes at the ready for when the job is done — that is, if you make it out of the bedroom.

Waiting on you hand and foot,
MM

Revenge Sex

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I have fallen in love with an incredible woman, and we are very happy. However, getting together wasn't easy; we were both dating other women at the time (we're queer). Unfortunately, we had to break a couple of hearts to be together, but we did it as gently as we could. The process was painful, but I wouldn't trade it for the world because I love this woman so much.

Recently, a mutual friend told us that our exes are sleeping together and that they had been drunkenly boasting about it at a party, saying that they hoped we found out. Do people really sleep with other people for revenge? How could they be so hurtful? The idea of people using their bodies and sexualities as weapons makes me sick. If my ex wanted to hurt me back, she's done it. I think the pathetic immature drama is actually hurting me more than anything else. I want her to realize that she's being ridiculous. How should I address this situation?

Signed,
Drama-less Queen

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Dear Drama-less,

People have sex for many reasons -- love, power, comfort and pleasure, to name a few. Your exes are claiming revenge sex, but I suspect it's more a combination of power and comfort. They're both experiencing the same brand of heartache, and it must be incredibly comforting and empowering to swap intimacy with someone who shares the same deep pain. It's not about weaponry; it's about shelter from the storm.

That said, parading around in front of your friends, hoping word will get back to you is just plain tacky. The good news is -- it's no longer your problem. Do not engage your ex in a conversation about her current bed buddy, as you will only be immersing yourself in the drama. If she thinks sleeping with this woman is the best way for her to get through her pain, let her have the experience.

Breaking up is a dirty business. The best you can hope for is to remain true to yourself and your new path — ignore their hurtful and immature antics and move on.

Getting even,

MM

Talking Points

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I've been with my lady for a year. We have things in common that I've had a hard time finding in other women, like a love for anime and endless hours spent playing video games. The sex is pretty good, too, so I feel like a lucky guy most of the time. However, we definitely have a communication problem. Like any couple, there are little things about one another that bug us, and we seem to not talk about them until they fester into big arguments. After a few huge explosions, we keep coming back to the same impasse: How can we be together if we can't talk?

For my part, I know I wait too long to talk about my issues with her, but when I do get around to it, she reacts with anger and shuts down. We agree that we need to work on this, but I feel like I'm the only one making strides. I don't want to lose her, but I don't like where we're headed. Help

Signed,

Communication Breakdown

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Dear C.B.,

Hats off to you for wanting to strengthen your communication skills and hang on to this rare breed of woman — not all of us like to spend our Saturday nights watching Japanese anime marathons. That said, if you're going to win this battle, you can't be the only one leading the charge. Are you sure your lady is willing to fight the good fight with you? If she's on the defense, you may be wasting your time — time you could be spending playing video games.

Have a talk with your girlfriend to determine whether you're on the same page; she must understand your communication issues and be willing to match your concerted efforts to improve. If you collectively decide to move forward, set aside one evening per week to have open dialogue about your relationship. Discuss both the challenges and successes of the week. Support each other while asking for what you each need. Sure, this may seem awkward at first, but you must retrain your brains to be open and honest with each other. Eventually, with enough practice, it will become second nature.

With open honesty,

MM

Deal Breaker?

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I have been with my son's father for roughly three years. In the beginning, the sex was OK, but now it's nothing. He is not willing to try new things because he says I'm not a slut like that. Hello! I like kinky stuff! When he does decide to have sex, he initiates it after we're in bed sleeping. Plus, it's always the same routine.

If I try to take the reins, then I'm doing all the work and the sex still sucks! Yes, I have many times talked to him about this. I know he's sexually confident; that's not the issue. But, with strange things happening for some time now, such as him leaving for work at odd times and making excuses that don't add up, I'm wondering if there may be another woman. I even suggested therapy, but he's not willing to do that, either.

Signed,

Helpless

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Dear Helpless,

As with any other relationship issue, you have to decide whether your breakdown in the bedroom is a "deal breaker." If an unsatisfying sex life is something you simply can't live with — and who would want to? — you've got some work to do.

You may have talked about your intimacy woes in the past, but have you set up reasonable consequences for further inaction on his part? In a calm yet firm manner, explain to him that a healthy and fulfilling sex life is of utmost importance to you. And, as difficult as it may be for you to say and for him to hear, you must tell him that you are unsatisfied. Assure him that you're willing to work just as hard to fix these problems, but tell him he needs to meet you halfway.

Request that he start by initiating sex at a time of day that works for you, not once you've already fallen asleep. Further, ask that he not use any version of the word "slut" when referring to the sexual acts you'd like to try — it's demeaning and close-minded. Instead, ask him to consider a few scenarios you suggest and choose one to try. In return, find out what you can do to enhance his sexual experience.

While you're being honest, ask him about his inconsistencies. The only way you're going to clear the air about any indiscretions is to be direct and ask the tough questions. See how he reacts, and always trust your gut. If you don't trust him, you've got bigger issues…

xoxo,

MM

Sizeable Difference

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My girlfriend is a very sexual individual, and I am only happy to accommodate her every desire. However, she's recently taken to asking me to use sex toys on her that are on the larger side. I am a man on the smaller side of average and, no matter how illogical my brain knows it is, I can't help but think my member isn't satisfying her. I have also noticed that when I'm using my hands to please her, she wants more and more inside of her. I guess I knew she used larger toys on herself when I wasn't around, but I'm starting to take it personally that she's asking me to use them when we're together.

Mistress, what do you think?

Signed,

Worried

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Dear Worried,

You need to get over penile perturbation and focus on what really matters — your partner's sexual satisfaction. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be with a woman who's not afraid to ask you for what she wants? Stop fretting over what's in your pants and focus on giving her the best damn orgasm she's ever had with that sex toy.

Popular culture would have us believe that penis size determines sexual prowess, but that's a bunch of garbage. AskMen.com recently reported on a study of 50,000 heterosexuals showing that 85 percent of women were satisfied with their partner's penis size, while only 55 percent of men were satisfied with their own. What does this tell us? It tells us most men are worrying for nothing. Besides, if heterosexual women were able to be satisfied only by large, inanimate objects, why would we even bother with you?

Remember, sexual skill and swagger trump penis size every time. Your girlfriend doesn't dislike your dick — she simply likes variety. Indulge her. Show her you're an open-minded guy who will stop at nothing to please her.

One size fits all,

MM