Talking Points

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I've been with my lady for a year. We have things in common that I've had a hard time finding in other women, like a love for anime and endless hours spent playing video games. The sex is pretty good, too, so I feel like a lucky guy most of the time. However, we definitely have a communication problem. Like any couple, there are little things about one another that bug us, and we seem to not talk about them until they fester into big arguments. After a few huge explosions, we keep coming back to the same impasse: How can we be together if we can't talk?

For my part, I know I wait too long to talk about my issues with her, but when I do get around to it, she reacts with anger and shuts down. We agree that we need to work on this, but I feel like I'm the only one making strides. I don't want to lose her, but I don't like where we're headed. Help

Signed,

Communication Breakdown

----------------------------------------------

Dear C.B.,

Hats off to you for wanting to strengthen your communication skills and hang on to this rare breed of woman — not all of us like to spend our Saturday nights watching Japanese anime marathons. That said, if you're going to win this battle, you can't be the only one leading the charge. Are you sure your lady is willing to fight the good fight with you? If she's on the defense, you may be wasting your time — time you could be spending playing video games.

Have a talk with your girlfriend to determine whether you're on the same page; she must understand your communication issues and be willing to match your concerted efforts to improve. If you collectively decide to move forward, set aside one evening per week to have open dialogue about your relationship. Discuss both the challenges and successes of the week. Support each other while asking for what you each need. Sure, this may seem awkward at first, but you must retrain your brains to be open and honest with each other. Eventually, with enough practice, it will become second nature.

With open honesty,

MM