Reality Check

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I'm writing because I just don't know what else to do. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, during which time he has cheated on me twice (that I know about). He claims that both times were just making out and nothing more, but I feel like an idiot for believing that. On the other hand, I truly love him and deeply care about him.

At this point, I have taken him back. I have a daughter and can't stand the thought of disrupting her life while I work this out. Please don't think I'm some stupid girl who allows men to walk all over her; I'm not. It's just that he seems so sincere when he tells me that he's trying to change his life. He has asked me to be understanding, and I am trying to be. I want to believe in him, to help him, but am I making a mistake?

Signed,
Shadows of Doubt

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Dear Shadows,

It's time for some tough love. Is it possible for your man to change and your relationship to heal from his indiscretions? Yes. Is it likely? No.

Because you cannot predict the future, you must base your next move on his pattern of behavior — and his track record is terrible. I'm sure he's making a great case for himself, coming up with all sorts of reasons why he strayed. But really, it's a simple concept: You don't cheat on someone you love. Period.
Furthermore, you need to think about how this relationship may be affecting your daughter. She sees her mother being hurt by a man, then sees her mother taking him back. Is this a trait you wish her to inherit? Perhaps you should ask yourself what type of advice you'd give your daughter should she wind up with a cheater one day.

The question now becomes: How much more time are you willing to invest in this relationship without a fruitful return? For your sake, and your daughter's, I hope you find your time too valuable to waste.

Tough Lovin’ It,
MM