Lonely in the Tundra

Dear Mistress Maeve,

The close of another year … alone. I am a rapidly-turning-40 dude who's never been married, not even close. In my twenties, I thought I had so much time. In my thirties, I spent too much time chasing my twenties (and the women to match). Now, here I am — the only single guy out of all my friends. I spend most evening with frozen pizza and Netflix. Just about the only interaction with women I get is through my Xbox. I don't ski. I don't bike. I have a beer gut. Yet I live in Vermont — where you can't meet a girl unless you bump into her at a sporting-goods store or hiking fucking Camel's Hump.

Do I really have to give up living in this beautiful land and move to a city in order to find a woman who doesn't own a pair of Sorels?

Signed,
Lonely in the Tundra

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Dear Lonely,

Sorry to break it to you, but any Vermont woman who doesn't own a pair of snow boots is an idiot. However, that doesn't mean you can't find a girl who's willing to swap her Sorels for stilettos, given a proper invitation.

Last time I checked, no eligible ladies were hanging out around your pity pot, so get off it. Your failure to rock climb and backcountry snowboard may make dating more difficult, but you just have to get creative. What type of woman are you looking for? Perhaps you'll meet her at an art class, at the comic shop, or sitting at a table at Muddy Waters? If you're still attached to staying on your couch, give online dating a whirl. I guarantee, you'll find plenty of Vermont women who would prefer a night on the town to a day on the mountain.

And, hey, if all else fails, you're just a short drive from Montréal — a city bustling with metropolitan ladies.

Happy New Year,
MM