Getting Air

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I'm very fortunate to have a lovely and loving boyfriend with whom I have fantastic sex and honest, sincere communication. However, we have one recurring issue that I find hugely embarrassing: queefs. We're a snug fit together, and he usually doesn't pull out all the way during love making, so I can't figure out how all this air is getting pushed inside me. It seems to happen no matter the position, but is much more evident if I'm on top.

He's not at all bothered by my sonic sexual symphony, and I try to laugh it off — but I would much prefer to do without the acoustics. My real concern, however, is for air embolisms — particularly if and when we decide to have children; I know they can be fatal for pregnant women and fetuses. Short of abstinence, how can we lessen the danger?

Signed,
Joan of Vart

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Dear Joan,

Queefs, or vaginal farts, occur when air is sucked into the vagina and then released, creating your own vagina beatbox (pbbfft, pfft, pbbbt). Queefs mostly happen during sex or while you’re performing a downward-facing dog during yoga class — embarrassing!

Generally, queefs are nothing more than occasional events best laughed off and forgotten. However, if you're performing a "sonic sexual symphony" every time you're intimate, it can be difficult to relax and focus on orgasm — especially if you're stressing over dropping dead from a vaginal embolism. While such events are extremely rare, Columbia University Health Services confirms that if a very large amount of air were blown or forced into the vagina, it could cause health complications for both women and fetuses — some extraordinary cases result in death. However, I can't stress enough that this is very rare. As along as your partner isn't blowing up your vagina with a bicycle pump, you should be fine.

Usually women experience queefing in particular positions (doggie-style seems to create the most air bubbles). But, if you're pushing out air in every position, lack of lubrication or the curvature of your boyfriend's penis may be to blame. Try some water-based lube and experiment with positions where your legs are closer together — that may close the gap, so to speak. If all else fails, turn up the music, moan louder and embrace your body's idiosyncrasies.

Beatboxing,
MM